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The bar chart illustrate about the information the proportion of time adults spent on various free activities in a particular nation in 1980 and 2010

The bar chart illustrate about the information the proportion of time adults spent on various free activities in a particular nation in 1980 and 2010 ppJd
The bar chart illustrate about the information the proportion of time adults spent on various free activities in a particular nation in 1980 and 2010Overall, It is clear that, the maximum percentage had been increasen of the socialising. While, the minimum proportion had been decreased of the cooking. One the one hand, around 10% percentage of adults spend on shopping in 1980. Moreover, the proportion were decreased of the cooking, which was approximately5% in 1980. The number of adults people were time spend on doing hobbies in 1980, that was 15% however, the proportion had been shinked of reading and they were less time spend on reading, that was nearly10% in 1980. On the other hand, the percentage were inclined of the sports activities in 2010, that was approximately20%. In addition, around 2% adults time spend on cooking and eating in 2010. Furthermore, the proportion had been grew of the shopping in 2010, which was 15%.
The bar chart illustrate about the information the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
spent on various free activities in a particular nation in 1980 and 2010Overall, It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that, the maximum percentage had been
Possible spelling mistake found.
increasen
of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, the minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
had
been decreased
of the cooking.
Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, around 10% percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on shopping in 1980.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
were decreased
of the cooking, which was approximately5% in 1980. The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on doing hobbies in 1980, that was 15%
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
had been
Possible spelling mistake found.
shinked
of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
reading and
they were less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on reading, that was nearly10% in 1980.
On the other hand
, the percentage
were inclined
of the sports activities in 2010, that was approximately20%.
In addition
, around 2%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on cooking and eating in 2010.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
had been
Consider using a past participle here: "grown".
grew
of the shopping in 2010, which was 15%.
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IELTS academic The bar chart illustrate about the information the proportion of time adults spent on various free activities in a particular nation in 1980 and 2010

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
156 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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