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The charts Below show what percentage of their daily intake of various nutrients the average person in the USA consumes in each meal and in snacks. These nutrients may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

The charts Below show what percentage of their daily intake of various nutrients the average person in the USA consumes in each meal and in snacks. These nutrients may be unhealthy if eaten too much. BJJKw
The given pie charts illustrate, proportion of the several nutrients that are consumed in the each meal and snack by the person in USA, consumption of these can be unhealthy if taken in excessive quantities. Overall, it is evident from the charts, consumption of sodium and saturated fat is Highest in dinner. Whereas, the intake of added sugar is largest in snacks. It can be vividly seen from the given data that percentile of sodium intake is biggest at the dinner (i. e 43 percent), followed by saturated fat and added sugar, in details, 37 percent and 23 percent accordingly. Besides this, the statistics of these constitutents consumed by American individuals in snacks are 44 percent for sodium, 21 Percent and 42 percent for saturated fat and added sugar, respectively. Furthermore, in lunch, the ratio of the sodium intake is 29 percent. However, this figure decrease nominally to 26 percent, in case of saturated fat and is lowest for added sugar(i. e 19 percent). moreover, the ratio of sodium intake in breakfast is 14 percent. Notwithstanding, this figure increase slightly to 16 Percent, for saturated fat and added sugar
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts illustrate, proportion of the several nutrients that
are consumed
in
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "each" is left.
the each
meal and snack by the person
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
, consumption of these can be unhealthy if taken in excessive quantities.

Overall
, it is evident from the charts, consumption of sodium and
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saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
is Highest in dinner.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the
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intake
of
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added
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sugar
is largest in snacks.

It can be
vividly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
data that percentile of sodium
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intake
is biggest at the dinner (i. e 43
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percent)
, followed by
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saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
and
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added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
, in
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details
, 37
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percent
and 23
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percent
accordingly
.
Besides
this, the statistics of these
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constitutents
consumed by American individuals in snacks are 44
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percent
for sodium, 21
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Percent
and 42
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percent
for
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saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
and
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added
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sugar
,
respectively
.

Furthermore
, in lunch, the ratio of the sodium
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intake
is 29
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percent
.
However
, this figure decrease
nominally
to 26
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percent
, in case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
and is lowest for
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added
sugar(i. e 19
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percent)
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
moreover
, the ratio of sodium
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intake
in breakfast is 14
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percent
. Notwithstanding, this figure increase
slightly
to 16
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Percent
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
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IELTS academic The charts Below show what percentage of their daily intake of various nutrients the average person in the USA consumes in each meal and in snacks. These nutrients may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
188 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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