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The charts below show the working patterns of mothers with young children to care for.

The pie charts illustrate relation between pay attention for children in several aged and mothers working time. Overall, the younger ages of children are, the more their mother attention they get. Hence, the kids become independent when they are getting older. Initially, hovering one in ten mothers becomes part-time workers, taking attention to their children aged 0-2 and 3-4 years, and these are three times less percentages than those who have kids aged 10 years+, at 29% to care for, while children aged 5-9 years are slightly dependent than those the former and the latter cohorts because their mothers take a care just around 14%. Moreover, if the mothers have not jobs, there are around 70% and 54% of them pay attention to children aged 0-2 and 3-4 years, while other ones are almost twice less dependent than those cohorts. However, in the children aged 5-9 and 10+ years more independent, the one decide to have working in a day, accounting for 45% and 48%.
The pie charts illustrate relation between pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
and mothers working time.

Overall
, the younger ages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are, the more their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.
Hence
, the kids become independent when they are getting older.

Initially
, hovering one in ten mothers becomes part-time workers, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
0-2 and 3-4 years, and these are three times
Did you mean “fewer”? The noun percentages is countable.
less
percentages than those who have kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
10 years+, at 29% to care for, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
5-9 years are
slightly
dependent than those the former and the latter cohorts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their mothers take a care
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
around 14%.

Moreover
, if the mothers have not jobs, there are around 70% and 54% of them pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
0-2 and 3-4 years, while other ones are almost twice less dependent than those cohorts.
However
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
5-9 and 10+ years more independent, the one decide to have working in a day, accounting for 45% and 48%.
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IELTS academic The charts below show the working patterns of mothers with young children to care for.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
165 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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