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the charts below show the frequency of being happy in the last four weeks by labour status and by age group. summarise the information and make comparisons where relevant

the charts below show the frequency of being happy in the last four weeks by labour status and by age group. gL2l
Some interesting data concerning the level of happiness experienced in the last four weeks by retired, self-employed and in education or training employee aged 50-64 and 65-74, are revealed in the two graphs below. The most significant facts are that the two age groups share similar rate of happiness, and, on the other hand, the difference becomes more markable when it comes to profession category. Moving to a more detailed analysis, a 58. 3% of 65-74 years workers was happy all or most of the time compared to a slightly low 55. 1% in the age group 50-64%. Similarly, in the first group the 27. 4% and 14. 2% of people experienced happines some of the time or none of the time respectively, against a 29. 4% and 15. 6% respectively in the second group. When going through laobour status data, employee in education or training were mostly happy all the time(72. 3%) as opposed to the self-employed(58. 5%) and retired ones(57. 0%). The same tendency is shown in the remaining data as the percentage of people unhappy most of the time more then doubles from a 6. 3% in the first category mentioned, to a 15. 2% in the retired group, with a still high percentage for the self-employed category (12. 4%).
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
interesting data concerning the level of happiness experienced in the last four weeks by retired, self-employed and in education or training employee aged 50-64 and 65-74,
are revealed
in the two graphs below. The most significant facts are that the two age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
share similar rate of happiness, and,
on the other hand
, the difference becomes more
Possible spelling mistake found.
markable
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to profession category.

Moving to a more detailed analysis, a 58. 3% of 65-74 years workers was happy all or most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
compared to a
slightly
low 55. 1% in the age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
50-64%.
Similarly
, in the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
the 27. 4% and 14. 2% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
experienced
Possible spelling mistake found.
happines
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or none of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
respectively
, against a 29. 4% and 15. 6%
respectively
in the second group.

When going through
Possible spelling mistake found.
laobour
status data, employee in education or training were
mostly
happy all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time(72
. 3%) as opposed to the self-employed(58. 5%) and retired ones(57. 0%). The same tendency
is shown
in the remaining data as the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
unhappy most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
then
doubles from a 6. 3% in the
first
category mentioned, to a 15. 2% in the retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, with a
still
high percentage for the self-employed category (12. 4%).
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IELTS academic the charts below show the frequency of being happy in the last four weeks by labour status and by age group.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
213 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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