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The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020.

The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020. yYlE
The pie chart illustrate percentage of age groups in UK by staff employed in the public sector in the year 2015 and 2020. Data is measured in percentage(%). Overall, In UK the workers under 21 is less Compared to other age groups. In between 21-30 have highest staff in two years 2015 and 2020. On the one hand, In the year 2015 have 14% of under 21 age people and 23 % of stuff of age 21-23. The people in the age between 31-40 with 21% and In 41-50 group having 19%. Finally, over 50 years having 23% in the public sector. The age groups 21-30 and 50 over people having the same percentage with 23% with highest employment in the year. ON the other hand, the age under 21 has 12% and between 21-30 years of people having 33% and 31-40 with 11% is low at that year. age 41-50 years old people have 28%. lastly, adge group with over 50 have 16% of employment in public sector. comparing to 2015, the stuff was increased between ages 21-30 and 41-50. Decline in age over 50.
The pie chart illustrate percentage of
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age
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groups
in UK by staff employed in the public sector in the
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year
2015 and 2020. Data
is measured
in percentage(%).

Overall
, In UK the workers under 21 is less Compared to other
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age
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groups
. In between 21-30 have
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
staff in two years 2015 and 2020.

On the one hand, In the
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year
2015 have 14% of under 21
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age
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people
and 23 % of stuff of
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age
21-23. The
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people
in the
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age
between 31-40 with 21% and In 41-50
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group
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having
19%.
Finally
,
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over
50 years
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having
23% in the public sector. The
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age
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groups
21-30 and 50
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over
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people
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having
the same percentage with 23% with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
employment in the year.

ON the other hand
, the
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age
under 21 has 12% and between 21-30 years of
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people
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having
33% and 31-40 with 11% is low at that
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year
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
age
41-50 years
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old
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people
have 28%.
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lastly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
adge
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group
with
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over
50 have 16% of employment in public sector.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
comparing
to 2015, the stuff
was increased
between
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ages
21-30 and 41-50. Decline in
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
50.

IELTS academic The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
186 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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