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The charts below compare the proportion of people using the internet by geographical regions

The charts below compare the proportion of people using the internet by geographical regions awmwY
The pie charts compare how many people used the internet in six different regions of the world in the years 2000, 2010 and 2016. Overall it is clear that a significant proportion of internet users was taken by ECA for holistic shown years. Additionally minority of users accounted for SSA and SA, were more or less equal over a 16-year period. To begin with, in 2000 over half of given figure accounted for ECA which decreased gradually to over quarter. There is a correlation between the percentage of citizens using the internet in EAP and LAC, were at stable level by the ending of shown years with one out of four on average. By contrast, negligible number of individuals spent their time in stream of social networking in 2000 for SSA and SA, afterward those similar figures doubled during ten years and saw again twofold increase during the last six years. Finally, that of MENA had near one in ten portion, then had increased by over a quarter by 2016.
The pie charts compare how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the internet in six
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
regions of the world in the years 2000, 2010 and 2016.
Overall
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that a significant proportion of internet users
was taken
by ECA for holistic shown years.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Additionally
minority of users accounted for SSA and SA, were more or less equal
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over
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
16-year
period. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in 2000
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over
half of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
figure accounted for ECA which decreased
gradually
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
quarter. There is a correlation between the percentage of citizens using the internet in EAP and LAC, were at stable level by the ending of shown years with one out of four on average. By contrast, negligible number of individuals spent their time in stream of social networking in 2000 for SSA and SA, afterward those similar figures doubled during ten years and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
again twofold increase during the last six years.
Finally
, that of
Possible spelling mistake found.
MENA
had near one in ten portion, then had increased by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
a quarter by 2016.
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IELTS academic The charts below compare the proportion of people using the internet by geographical regions

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
170 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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