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The chart shows the various pastime of Australian children.

The chart shows the various pastime of Australian children. do9BP
The bar graph illustrates the favourite leisure activities of Australian children who aged 5-14 years old. The data measured in a percentage. Overall, It can be clearly seen that watching television or videos are most preferred leisure activity for boys and girls while skateboarding activity was less popular for boys and girls. To begin with, It is evident that watching TV or videos are most favourite leisure activity. the proportion ratio remained same in both boys and girls about 100%. In addition, the second most popular activity is electronic and computer games which was preferred by 80% of boys and 60% of girls. After that, girls considered art and craft activity which was preferred by 60% of girls and only 40% of boys. Furthermore, Bike riding was almost as popular as electronic or computer games. Which was almost 80% of boys and approximately 60% of girls. On the other hand, skateboarding was lowest than other leisure activities. It is still contained around 40% of boys and only 20% of girls.
The bar graph illustrates the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
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leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of Australian children who aged 5-14 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. The data measured in a percentage.

Overall
, It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that watching television or videos are most preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
while skateboarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
was less popular for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and girls.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, It is evident that watching TV or videos are most
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
proportion ratio remained same in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
about 100%.
In addition
, the second most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is electronic and computer games which
was preferred
by 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and 60% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
. After that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
considered art and craft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
which
was preferred
by 60% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
40% of boys.

Furthermore
, Bike riding was almost as popular as electronic or computer games. Which was almost 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and approximately 60% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
On the other hand
, skateboarding was
Use "lower" to make a comparison with this adjective.
lowest
than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. It is
still
contained around 40% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
20% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
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IELTS academic The chart shows the various pastime of Australian children.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
170 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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