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THE CHART SHOWS THE UNEMPLOYMENT SITUATION IN AUSTRALIS IN THE YEAR 2012

THE CHART SHOWS THE UNEMPLOYMENT SITUATION IN AUSTRALIS IN THE YEAR 2012 qRQWP
The line graph illustrates the unemployment rate in Australia of both rural areas as well as the urban areas during the year 2012. it aided the time in four quarters. Over all, the percentage of both the areas fluctuated sometimes. However, the two areas trending opposite to each other. The rural areas rates decreases though the urban areas unemployment rate increases. Looking at the graph more closely, in the first quarter the rural areas percentage is on the pear with 6. 5%. However, the urban areas were at least position about 2% in the same quarter. The jobless rate in rural areas in 2nd quarter remains decreasing whereby, in metro areas it increasing continuously. But before the end of 3rd quarter both the areas rate decreases whereby, rural areas rate decreases slightly while the rate of urban area decreased drastically. However both areas unemployment rates remains almost same in 4th quarter by around 4. 9% and 4. 7% rural and urban areas respectively.
The line graph illustrates the unemployment
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rate
in Australia of both
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rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
the
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urban
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areas
during the year 2012.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
aided the time in four quarters.

Over all, the percentage of both the
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areas
fluctuated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
.
However
, the two
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areas
trending opposite to each other. The
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rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
You should probably use "rate".
rates
decreases though the
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urban
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "areas'" or "area's"?
areas
unemployment
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rate
increases.

Looking at the graph more
closely
, in the
first
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quarter
the
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rural
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "areas'" or "area's"?
areas
percentage is on the pear with 6. 5%.
However
, the
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urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
were at least position about 2% in the same
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quarter
. The jobless
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rate
in
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rural
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areas
in 2nd
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quarter
remains decreasing whereby, in metro
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areas
Did you mean "it's increasing", "it is increasing", or "it was increasing"?
it increasing
continuously
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
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before
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of 3rd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
decreases whereby,
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rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
decreases
slightly
while the
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rate
of
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urban
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area
decreased
drastically
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
both
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "areas'" or "area's"?
areas
unemployment
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rates
remains almost same in 4th
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quarter
by around 4. 9% and 4. 7%
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rural
and
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urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
respectively
.
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IELTS academic THE CHART SHOWS THE UNEMPLOYMENT SITUATION IN AUSTRALIS IN THE YEAR 2012

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
163 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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