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The chart shows the percentage of men and women who participate in sports at different ages.

The chart shows the percentage of men and women who participate in sports at different ages. gAggD
The line graph below provides information about, the number of different age for a two genders who participate in exercises. In eighteen years old is most active period for all people. Despite, lowest line of graph illustrate sixty-five years old and over. According the graph, men highest level are between 18 to 24. (%80) Till, thirty-four years old men draw a plateau. Furthermore, 35-44 ages decrease dramatically %60. After that, from 45 to 65 the fall continues, also this slight fall. Additionally, the women start the graph 70 per cent. Moreover, this is the highest level for women. Thirty-four years old is turning point for women. Until this age, women and men going to parallel together. 35-44 years old women catch the men. (%60) Overall, 65 and over age for women less active than men. Respectively, women and men %40 and %51. However, the women, 55-64 ages ranges more active than men. From 45 to 54, women have no fluctuations. It stay stable. From 34 to 54, men go down suddenly.
The line
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graph
below provides information about, the number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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age
for a two genders who participate in exercises. In eighteen years
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old
is
Did you mean "the most"?
most
active period for all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Despite,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
line of
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graph
illustrate sixty-five years
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old
and over.

It appears that a preposition is missing after 'According'.
According the
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graph
,
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men
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
level are
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 18 and 24".
between 18 to 24
. (%80) Till, thirty-four years
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old
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men
draw a plateau.
Furthermore
, 35-44
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ages
decrease
dramatically
%60. After that, from 45 to 65 the fall continues,
also
this slight fall.

Additionally
, the
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women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the
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graph
70 per cent.
Moreover
, this is the highest level for
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women
. Thirty-four years
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old
is turning point for
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women
. Until this
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age
,
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women
and
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men
going to parallel together. 35-44 years
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old
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women
catch the
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men
. (%60)

Overall
, 65 and over
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age
for
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women
less active than
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men
.
Respectively
,
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women
and
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men
%40 and %51.
However
, the
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women
, 55-64
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ages
ranges more active than
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men
. From 45 to 54,
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women
have no fluctuations. It
Did you mean "stays"?
stay
stable. From 34 to 54,
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men
go down
suddenly
.
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IELTS academic The chart shows the percentage of men and women who participate in sports at different ages.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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