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is it working or not so i am just checking it.

is it working or not so i am just checking it. WqeW0
It is true that the importance of ownership of a house is considered one of the essential factors to lead a happy and healthy life in some parts of the world. This preference may stem from cultural norms of society as well as being affected by the rise of consumarism. Satisfying as it may sound, it might, in fact, have negative consequences in individuals lives. Two external factors seem to have a huge influence on the choice people make when they face the dilemma of purchasing their own houses or renting ones. One reason triggering people's desire to have an purchased apartment is the way they have grown up. Traditionally, some societies are used to owning their own house from childhood. In Asian countries, for example, the family bond is very strong and younger generation inherit their homes from their parents or grandparents. Having that privilege in mind, they may refuse to sell them and instead, they prefer staying home. In this way, they are unlikely to worry about being homeless when they retire. In other parts of the world, however, consumer society avoid renting a home in the hope that they can buy one themselves if they save up enough money to afford a dream house. A perfect house is not only a representative of their social status but it is also one of the factors to fulfill their needs. As a result, the essence of possessing a private home is increasingly becoming the focus of population. However it might seem attractive, the tendency to purchase a house comes with its own price in our personal lives. The effort to save up more may do little to buy a house if nothing is done about earning more money. Those who are not able to afford may procrastinate to marry until they own a house. This may lead to competition in the workplace in order to earn more. Emotional breakdown, anxiety, stress, and other health-related issues will follow as a result of the desire to own a private shelter. In conclusion, it might be better to adopt the modern lifestyle and rent a house regardless of the reasons mentioned above even if they may seem more satisfying. Not all people can afford that. In my opinion, heath comes first, and we are highly adoptable species to survive even without possessing a permanent home but just by renting one.
It is true that the importance of ownership of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
is considered
one of the essential factors to lead a happy and healthy life in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the world. This preference may stem from cultural norms of society
as well
as being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the rise of
Possible spelling mistake found.
consumarism
. Satisfying as it may sound, it might, in fact, have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences in individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Two external factors seem to have a huge influence on the choice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
when they face the dilemma of purchasing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
or renting ones. One reason triggering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's desire to have
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
apartment is the way they have grown up.
Traditionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
societies are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to owning their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
from childhood. In Asian countries,
for example
, the family bond is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strong and younger generation inherit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
from their parents or grandparents. Having that privilege in mind, they may refuse to sell them and
instead
, they prefer staying home. In this way, they are unlikely to worry about being homeless when they retire. In other parts of the world,
however
, consumer society avoid renting a home in the hope that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
one themselves if they save up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to afford a dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
. A perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a representative of their social status
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
also
one of the factors to fulfill their needs.
As a result
, the essence of possessing a private home is
increasingly
becoming the focus of population.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it might seem attractive, the tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
price in our personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The effort to save up more may do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
if nothing
is done
about earning more money. Those who are not able to afford may procrastinate to marry until they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
. This may lead to competition in the workplace in order to earn more. Emotional breakdown, anxiety,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, and other health-related issues will follow
as a result
of the desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a private shelter.

In conclusion
, it might be better to adopt the modern lifestyle and rent a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
regardless of the reasons mentioned above even if they may seem more satisfying. Not all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can afford that. In my opinion, heath
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
first
, and we are
highly
adoptable species to survive even without possessing a permanent home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by renting one.
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IELTS academic is it working or not so i am just checking it.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
398 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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