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The line graph depicts the cinema attendence by age group in great Britain .

The line graph depicts the cinema attendence by age group in great Britain. 6mJXB
Overall, it can be clearly seen that the age group 15-24 had the highest attendence, however individuals of age 35 and over were least interested in visiting cinema. To commence with, the age group 15-24 had the highest attendence starting at 18 percent in 1984, the attendance reached 52 % in 2000 with some fluctations. Further, the age group 35 and over were least interested in visiting cinema. From 1984 to 1996 attendence was similar with 1% and after that in 2000 it reached at 13 percent. The age group 7-14 followed an dwindling trend in 1984 the individuals prefers to cinema with 10% and in 1995 it reached on 30 percent. After that in 2000 people preference towards cinema was 31%. Then, the age group 25-35 in the initial year attendence was 4 % and in 1998 the attendance increased from 4% to 31% and peaked out. In the next year 2000 individuals like to cinema with 32%.
Overall
, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
15-24 had the highest
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attendence
,
however
individuals of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
35 and over were least interested in visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
. To commence with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
15-24 had the highest
Possible spelling mistake found.
attendence
starting at 18 percent in 1984, the attendance reached 52 % in 2000 with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
fluctations
.
Further
, the
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
35 and over were least interested in visiting
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cinema
. From 1984 to 1996
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attendence
was similar with 1% and after that in 2000 it reached at 13 percent. The
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
7-14 followed
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
dwindling trend in 1984 the individuals prefers to
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cinema
with 10% and in 1995 it reached on 30 percent.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
that in 2000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
preference towards
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cinema
was 31%. Then, the
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age
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group
25-35 in the initial year
Possible spelling mistake found.
attendence
was 4 % and in 1998 the attendance increased from 4% to 31% and peaked out. In the
next
year 2000 individuals like to
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cinema
with 32%.
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IELTS academic The line graph depicts the cinema attendence by age group in great Britain.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
159 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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