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The chart shows the main reason for international visitors travelling to New Zealand. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows the main reason for international visitors travelling to New Zealand. Ky7r6
The given pie chart demonstrates the main aim foreign travelers arrive in New Zealand It is obvious that the majority of people come to New Zealand for holiday. The rest purposes for international visitors travel to New Zealand are to visit friends and relatives or for business and other reasons. One of the first thing to note is the rate of foreigners head to New Zealand for holiday take up 47%- nearly half the number of tourists. Another thing to point out is that travelers who go to New Zealand to visit their friends and relatives. More practically this account for 29% and then the number of people come for business make up less than a fifth at 13%. Last but not least are visitors travel to New Zealand for other reasons take up the lowest rate with 11%. All in all, most people come to New Zealand on holiday and some of them arrive in to visit relatives and friends, doing business and the minority travel for other reasons.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie chart demonstrates the main aim foreign travelers arrive in
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New
Zealand

It is obvious that the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand for holiday. The rest purposes for international visitors travel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand are to visit friends and relatives or for business and other reasons.

One of the
first
thing to note is the rate of foreigners head to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand for holiday take up 47%-
nearly
half the number of tourists. Another thing to point out is that travelers who go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand to visit their friends and relatives. More
practically
this account for 29% and then the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
for business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up less than a fifth at 13%. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
are visitors travel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand for other reasons take up the lowest rate with 11%.

All in all, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand on holiday and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them arrive in to visit relatives and friends, doing business and the minority travel for other reasons.

IELTS academic The chart shows the main reason for international visitors travelling to New Zealand.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
170 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • The chart shows the main reason for international visitors travelling to New Zealand. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.