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The chart shows information about the actual and expected figures of population in three cities, Jakarta, Sao Paulo, and Shanghai. v.1

The chart shows information about the actual and expected figures of population in three cities, Jakarta, Sao Paulo, and Shanghai. v. 1
The bar chart illustrates the population of three different towns in 1990, namely Jakarta, Shanghai and Sao Paulo, as well as the estimated and real figures of the people in 2000. Looking at the graph, it is obvious that Sao Paulo was the city with the most resident living, the opposite was true for Jakarta city. Noticeably, there were significant differences in the predicted and actual figures for 2000 in all countries. Around 17 million people in 1990, the population of Sao Paulo, the most populous area of the three examined cities, nearly 2 times higher than Jakarta with about 8 million. The figures for Sao Paulo and Jakarta were expected to rise by approximately 5 million and nearly 3 million in the over next decade, respectively. However, the sum of the citizen in both cities increased more than supposed. Details, the true population in the Jakarta region rose to around 13 million and this figure outnumbered about 3 million compared with the forecast, almost 24 million in Sao Paulo city. Regarding the part of China, Shanghai, the population here reached nearly 13 million in 1990. However, while the other two areas experienced an increase, the number of citizens not only did not go up as the plan but also decreased to 11 million people in 2000.
The bar chart illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
towns in 1990,
namely
Jakarta, Shanghai and
'Sao Paulo' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "São Paulo"
Sao Paulo
,
as well
as the estimated and real
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figures
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 2000.

Looking at the graph, it is obvious that
'Sao Paulo' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "São Paulo"
Sao Paulo
was the city with the most resident living, the opposite was true for Jakarta city.
Noticeably
, there were significant differences in the predicted and actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
for 2000 in all countries.

Around 17
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million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 1990, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of
'Sao Paulo' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "São Paulo"
Sao Paulo
, the most populous area of the three examined
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cities
,
nearly
2 times higher than Jakarta with about 8
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million
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
for
'Sao Paulo' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "São Paulo"
Sao Paulo
and Jakarta were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to rise by approximately 5
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million
and
nearly
3
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million
in the over
next
decade,
respectively
.
However
, the sum of the citizen in both
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cities
increased more than supposed.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Details
, the true
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population
in the Jakarta region rose to around 13
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million
and this
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figure
outnumbered about 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
compared with the forecast, almost 24
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in
'Sao Paulo' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "São Paulo"
Sao Paulo
city.

Regarding the part of China, Shanghai, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
here reached
nearly
13
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 1990.
However
, while the other two areas experienced an increase, the number of citizens not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
did not go up as the plan
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
decreased to 11
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 2000.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
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IELTS academic The chart shows information about the actual and expected figures of population in three cities, Jakarta, Sao Paulo, and Shanghai. v. 1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
217 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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