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the Chart show them mainly thought of chance part of people travelling to one university in 2004 2009

The two pie charts illustrate the percentage of people who travel by five different way to one college in 2004 and 2009. Overall, while the proportion of people traveling to this university by car was the dominant group in 2005, the figure for bus passengers held the leading position in 2009. There was an increase in the percentages of people commuting by bus, bicycle, train and walking, but the opposite was true for car users. In 2004, Car was the most popular vehicle for people traveling to this university, occupying more a half, which was higher than the figures for bus, at 33%. In comparison, the percentage of people catching bus increased strongly of 13%, which hold the leading position in 2009 With regards to the remaining methods of other commuters, in 2004 the percentage of pedestrians was 4%, followed by 3% in the proportion of people going by train in this university, which was the lowest figure. there was a significant rise in the cyclists from 9% to 16%. , compare to a moderate increase of 2% and 1% in the figures for walking and train respectively.
The two pie charts illustrate the
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percentage
of
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people
who travel by five
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different
way to one college in 2004 and 2009.

Overall
, while the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
traveling to this university by car was the dominant group in 2005, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for bus passengers held the leading position in 2009. There was an increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
commuting by bus, bicycle, train and walking,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the opposite was true for car users.

In 2004, Car was the most popular vehicle for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
traveling to this university, occupying more a half, which was higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
for bus, at 33%.
In comparison
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
catching bus increased
strongly
of 13%, which hold the leading position in 2009

With regards to the remaining methods of other commuters, in 2004 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of pedestrians was 4%, followed by 3% in the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
going by train in this university, which was the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
. there was a significant rise in the cyclists from 9% to 16%. , compare to a moderate increase of 2% and 1% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
for walking and train
respectively
.

IELTS academic the Chart show them mainly thought of chance part of people travelling to one university in 2004 2009

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
188 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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