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THE CHART SHOW THE DISTRIBUTION OF EMPLOYED AND UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE IN PHILIPPINED IN 1932 AND 1992

THE CHART SHOW THE DISTRIBUTION OF EMPLOYED AND UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE IN PHILIPPINED IN 1932 AND 1992 0wbxn
The pie charts illustrate the how Philippines workforce was engaged in different sectors between 1932 and 1992. To begin with, the amount of workforce worked in the industry has reduced from 42% to 15% in 1992. While there was only one in ten unemployed workers in 1992 as compared to that one in four in 1932. Moreover, the percentage of workers in farming and fishing industries also dropped from 15% to 8% in 1992. However, the intensity of workers employed in the government and service sectors increased substantially. In addition, the service sector rose smartly in 1992, which was around 52% of workers work in this sector. Furthermore, the government sector witnessed a phenomenal increase from 3% to 15% in 1992. Overall, a major source of employment was an industry in 1932, but the scenario was changed and service sector provide more employment in 1992.
The pie charts illustrate
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the how
Philippines workforce
was engaged
in
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different
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sectors
between 1932 and 1992.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the amount of workforce worked in the industry has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
from 42% to 15% in 1992. While there was
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only
one in ten unemployed
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workers
in 1992 as compared to that one in four in 1932.
Moreover
, the percentage of
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workers
in farming and fishing industries
also
dropped from 15% to 8% in 1992.
However
, the intensity of
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workers
employed in the
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government
and service
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sectors
increased
substantially
.
In addition
, the service
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sector
rose
smartly
in 1992, which was around 52% of
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workers
work in this
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sector
.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
witnessed a phenomenal increase from 3% to 15% in 1992.

Overall
, a major source of employment was an industry in 1932,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the scenario was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
provide more employment in 1992.

IELTS academic THE CHART SHOW THE DISTRIBUTION OF EMPLOYED AND UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE IN PHILIPPINED IN 1932 AND 1992

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
145 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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