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The chart illustrate the in percentages the age group of different Canadian who sent money in chartitable organization in the year 2000 and 2015.

The chart illustrate the in percentages the age group of different Canadian who sent money in chartitable organization in the year 2000 and 2015. Overall, As we can cleary see that the amount of people who gave money on charity between the age group from 18-49 are more in 2000 and less in 2015, where as on the other hand the group of people from 50- 65 & Over who are giving charity is more in 2015 and less in 2000. In 2000, the highest charity given rate in percentage was noted between the age group from 35 to 49, whereas in 2015 it’s highest between the age group of 50 to 64. In 2000, we analyzed that the people who are 49 or below 49 are mostly involved in charity given activities and it’s starts decreasing after the age of 49. In contrast the people who are about 64 or below are involved in charity given activities which gradually decrease where the people age range from 64 or above.
The chart
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: “illustrates”.
illustrate
the in percentages the
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age
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group
of
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different
Canadian
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
money in
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chartitable
organization in the year 2000 and 2015.

Overall
, As we can
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cleary
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see
that the amount of
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people
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who
gave money on
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charity
between the
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age
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group
from 18-49 are more in 2000 and less in 2015,
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where as
on the other hand
the
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group
of
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people
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: “from 50 to 65”?
from 50- 65
& Over
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who
are giving
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charity
is more in 2015 and less in 2000.

In 2000, the highest
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charity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
rate in percentage
was noted
between the
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age
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group
from 35 to 49, whereas in 2015 it’s highest between the
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age
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group
of 50 to 64. In 2000, we analyzed that the
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people
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who
are 49 or below 49 are
mostly
involved in
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charity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
activities and
it’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
decreasing after the
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age
of 49.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
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contrast
the
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people
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who
are about 64 or below
are involved
in
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charity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
activities which
gradually
decrease where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
range from 64 or above.

IELTS academic The chart illustrate the in percentages the age group of different Canadian who sent money in chartitable organization in the year 2000 and 2015.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
170 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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