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The chart gives information about two genres of tv programmes

The chart gives information about two genres of tv programmes e3YaV
Illustrated in the given bar chart are percentages of male and female viewers and viewers by age (starting from 16 years olds) of two specific TV genres (reality shows and game shows). All in all, the two genders have opposing television watching habits. Moreover, while reality shows became increasingly more popular with age, fluctuations are registered within game show audiences. Closer investigation in the former graph reveals that figures for female reality show viewers far exceeded their male counterparts by a large margin, accounting for approximately 69 percent and 35 percent respectively. In contrast, the opposite trend is visible in the latter graph, but illustrates a mere 1 percent gap with 61 percent of male spectators and 60 percent of female spectators. While reality shows became more prevalent among audiences with age (from 51 percent among 16 to 24 year olds to an impressive 69 percent among people over 45), game show fans are mostly 16-24 and the 45+ age group as the remaining age categories contributed less to the overall amount of game show watchers.
Illustrated in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart are percentages of male and female viewers and viewers by
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age
(starting from 16 years olds) of two specific TV genres
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(reality
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shows
and game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
).

All in all, the two genders have opposing television watching habits.
Moreover
, while
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reality
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shows
became
increasingly
more popular with
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age
, fluctuations
are registered
within game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
audiences.

Closer investigation in the former graph reveals that figures for female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
viewers far exceeded their male counterparts by a large margin, accounting for approximately 69
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percent
and 35
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percent
respectively
.
In contrast
, the opposite trend is visible in the latter graph,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
illustrates a mere 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
gap with 61
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percent
of male spectators and 60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of female spectators.

While
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reality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
became more prevalent among audiences with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
(from 51
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percent
among 16 to
It seems that hyphens are missing
24 year olds
to an impressive 69
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percent
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
over 45), game
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show
fans are
mostly
16-24 and the 45+
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age
group as the remaining
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age
categories contributed less to the
overall
amount of game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
watchers.
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IELTS academic The chart gives information about two genres of tv programmes

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
176 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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