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The bar graph shows the different is of groups who used the internet in UK between 2003 and 2006. Summarise this statement and comparison be relevant

The bar graph shows the different is of groups who used the internet in UK between 2003 and 2006. Summarise this statement and comparison be relevant j9MwL
The given bar graph depicts the proportion of various age groups using the internet on daily basis between 2003 and 2006 in Great Britain. Overall, the percentile of young adults aged between 16 and 24 was the highest who used internet in the given period of time. However, other age groups showed upward trends moderately. It is crystal clear that in 16-24 group, the usage of internet was 80% in 2003 and 2004. In 2005, the figure escalated rapidly to 100% which is the highest percentile of all age groups but the proportion decreased slightly to 90% in the next year. Moving further, in 25-44 age group, there was a gradual growth in the percentage from 50 % to 80% between 2003 and 2006. The users of internet aged between 45 and 54 showed similar increases rising from 60 % to 80% in 2003 to 2006 respectively. As far as other two age groups are concerned, there were minimal climbs with some minor fluctuations.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph depicts the proportion of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
using the internet on daily basis between 2003 and 2006 in Great Britain.

Overall
, the percentile of young adults aged between 16 and 24 was the highest who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
internet in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period of time.
However
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
upward trends
moderately
.

It is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that in 16-24
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, the usage of internet was 80% in 2003 and 2004. In 2005, the figure escalated
rapidly
to 100% which is the highest percentile of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the proportion decreased
slightly
to 90% in the
next
year.

Moving
further
, in 25-44
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, there was a gradual growth in the percentage from 50 % to 80% between 2003 and 2006. The users of internet aged between 45 and 54
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
similar increases rising from 60 % to 80% in 2003 to 2006
respectively
. As far as other two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
are concerned
, there were minimal climbs with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor fluctuations.
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IELTS academic The bar graph shows the different is of groups who used the internet in UK between 2003 and 2006. Summarise this statement and comparison be relevant

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
164 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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