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the chart give information the rate of peopple leaving Ireland and unemployment rate (1988-2008)

the chart give information the rate of peopple leaving Ireland and unemployment rate (1988-2008) VwnY7
The chart give information about the percentage of unemployed Irish citizens and the number of emigrants leaving the country over the course of twenty years starting from 1988. Overall, The rate of its reached a peak in 1988 and have fallen in the following years. Starting with approximately 60, 000 emigrants in 1988, this number fell to about 55, 000 in 1990 before plunging to over 32, 000 two years later. The number of Ireland’s emigrants continued to go down to around 27, 000 over the next 12 years, and suddenly surged back up to 50, 000 in 2008. Secondly, the unemployment rate gone down over 8% from 1988 to 1992. Over ten years from 1992, it can be seen that the fluctuation of the uneployment rate was. Nevertheless, the percentage rate increased dramtically because there are more and more people do not have employment.
The chart give information about the percentage of unemployed Irish citizens and the number of emigrants leaving the country
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over
the course of twenty years starting from 1988.

Overall
, The
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rate
of its reached a peak in 1988 and have fallen in the following years.

Starting with approximately 60, 000 emigrants in 1988, this number fell to about 55, 000 in 1990
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before
plunging to
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over
32, 000 two years later. The number of Ireland’s emigrants continued to go down to around 27, 000
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over
the
next
12 years, and
suddenly
surged back up to 50, 000 in 2008.

Secondly
, the unemployment
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rate
gone down
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over
8% from 1988 to 1992.
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Over
ten years from 1992, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the fluctuation of the
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uneployment
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rate
was.
Nevertheless
, the percentage
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rate
increased
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dramtically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have employment.

IELTS academic the chart give information the rate of peopple leaving Ireland and unemployment rate (1988-2008)

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
145 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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