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photo of public park of first made in 1920 and of today

photo of public park of first made in 1920 and of today kWELK
The pictorial representations depict the map of a public garden Grange park first picture of 1920 and second of today. There are two main way in namelyAnnold avenue and Eldon street. To commence with, in 1920 there were three rose garden whereas in recent garden there are only two outs of which ones position is changed. Moreover, there is no glass house, pond for water plants and fountain instead three new things have been introduced that is cafeteria, juvenile play area and lastly water fountain. Adding to it earlier there was stage for musicians and four seating areas were there around it on a contrary in today's garden there is an Amphitheater for concerts. Whereas, there is one rose garden in the center surrounded by seats. It is crystal clear that in 1920 there was plethora of empty space but in recent a vital are is covered by central lawn. However, the park have new entrance area for pupil who have parked the car underground.
The pictorial representations depict the map of a public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
Grange park
first
picture of 1920 and second of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. There are two main way in
Possible spelling mistake found.
namelyAnnold
avenue and Eldon street.

To commence with, in 1920 there were three rose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
whereas in recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two outs of which ones position is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
Moreover
, there is no glass
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, pond for water plants and fountain
instead
three new things have
been introduced
that is
cafeteria, juvenile play area and
lastly
water fountain. Adding to it earlier there was stage for musicians and four seating areas were there around it on a contrary in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
there is an Amphitheater for concerts.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, there is one rose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
in the center surrounded by seats.

It is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that in 1920 there was plethora of empty space
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in recent a vital are
is covered
by central lawn.
However
, the park have new entrance area for pupil who have parked the car underground.
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IELTS academic photo of public park of first made in 1920 and of today

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
165 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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