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Comparision of two graphs

Comparision of two graphs 2Rgyb
The two decades between 1975 and 1995 brought significant changes in the representation of women in Freedonia's work force, according to the graphs. In 1975, for example, some 300 000 men and 250 000 women worked in the communications sector. Twenty years later, though the number of men remained unchanged, the number of women rose to 550 000. A similar situation was seen in the wholesale and retail trade sector, where the number of women rose from about 550 000 in 1975 to almost 800 000 two decades later. The number of men in this sector remained stable over the period, at around 700 000. Women also made gains in both the finance/banking industries and in the defence-related public sector. Whereas some 125 000 women worked in finance and banking institutions in 1975, the number increased to 450 000 by 1995. The number of men grew only marginally from 425 000 to 480 000 over the same period. In defence, the number of men declined from 225 000 to 200 000, while the number of women rose from 25 000 to over 100 000. Two sectors that retained stable employment numbers for both men and women were manufacturing, which had about 300 000 women and 650 000 men in both surveyed years, and the public sector (non-defence), which employed 650 000 women and 850 000 men. Thus, women appear to have made gains in the Freedonian work force but not at the expense of men.
The two decades between 1975 and 1995 brought significant
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changes
in the representation of
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women
in

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Freedonia
's work force, according to the graphs.

In 1975,
for example
,
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some
300 000
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men
and 250 000
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women
worked in the communications
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sector
. Twenty

years later, though the
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number
of
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men
remained unchanged, the
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number
of
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women
rose to 550 000.

A similar situation was
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seen
in the wholesale and retail trade
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sector
, where the
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number
of
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women
rose from

about 550 000 in 1975 to almost 800 000 two decades later. The
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number
of
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men
in this
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sector
remained stable

over the period, at around 700
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000. Women
also
made gains in both the finance/banking industries and in the
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defence-related
public sector.

Whereas
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some
125 000
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women
worked in finance and banking institutions in 1975, the
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number
increased to

450 000 by 1995. The
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number
of
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men
grew
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only
marginally
from 425 000 to 480 000 over the same period. In

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defence
, the
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number
of
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men
declined from 225 000 to 200 000, while the
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number
of
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women
rose from 25 000

to over 100 000.

Two
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sectors
that retained stable employment
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numbers
for both
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men
and
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women
were manufacturing, which

had about 300 000
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women
and 650 000
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men
in both surveyed years, and the public
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sector
(
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non-defence
),

which employed 650 000
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women
and 850 000
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men
.

Thus
,
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women
appear to have made gains in the
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Freedonian
work force
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but
not at the expense of
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men
.

IELTS academic Comparision of two graphs

Academic
  American English
8 paragraphs
245 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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