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the chart below shows the unemployment rates in the USA and Japan between 1993 and 1999.

the chart below shows the unemployment rates in the USA and Japan between 1993 and 1999. pjwd
The line graph illustrates data about the percentages of unemployment rates between Japan and USA from 1993 to 1999. It is clear that the unemployment rates in the USA was much higher than japan. In USA the rate of unemployment constantly decreasing in each year, when the japan overtook it. Howeve, the trend in japan suddenly increased in the year of 1996 to 1999. In the beginning of the 1993, the percentage of workforce was te highest, at 7%, in the USA. Following the next couple of years the uemployment fall to 5% and from 1995 to 1998 the trend of unemployment was remained stable, until 1999 when it came 4% of workforce. In japan, on the other hand, the trend was constantly increasing. Bewteen 1993 and 1996 the percentage of workforce rose 2% to 3% and over the next four years, the unemployment rates in japan inflate its peak into 5%. At the end of the time period the rate of the unemployment in both country USA and japan had the same percentages of works.
The line graph illustrates data about the
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percentages
of
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unemployment
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rates
between
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Japan
and USA from 1993 to 1999. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
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unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
in the USA was much higher than
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japan
.
A determiner is probably missing here: "In the USA".
In USA
the
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rate
of
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unemployment
constantly
decreasing in each
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year
, when the
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japan
overtook it.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Howeve
, the trend in
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japan
suddenly
increased in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of 1996 to 1999. In the beginning of the 1993, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of workforce was
Possible spelling mistake found.
te
highest, at 7%, in the USA. Following the
next
couple of years the
Possible spelling mistake found.
uemployment
fall to 5% and from 1995 to 1998 the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
was remained
stable, until 1999 when it came 4% of workforce. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
japan
,
on the other hand
, the trend was
constantly
increasing.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bewteen
1993 and 1996 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of workforce rose 2% to 3% and over the
next
four years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
japan
inflate its peak into 5%. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the time period the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
in both country USA and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
japan
had the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
of works.

IELTS academic the chart below shows the unemployment rates in the USA and Japan between 1993 and 1999.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
176 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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