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The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. AVG1
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of people’s buying and drinking coffee and tea in five different Australian cities. Overall, more than half the population in all cities except Adelaide went to a café for coffee or tea in last four weeks. While buying instant coffee also popular and buying fresh coffee generally less common. To begin with, people going to cafés was most popular in Melbourne and Hobart at 64% and 63% respectively. Sydney was comparably high at just over 60% followed by Brisbane around 56%, and finally Adelaide at under 50%. In Hobart, instant coffee purchase stood at 54%, ahead of Brisbane and Adelaide at 52% and 50% respectively, Melbourne at 48% and lastly Sydney just over 45%. Further analyzing the graph, the stocking up on fresh coffee was below 45% for all cities. It was most common in Sydney (44%) and Melbourne (42%). Hobart was next at 39%, lastly Adelaide and Brisbane were much lower and nearly level at around 34%.
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s buying and drinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
and tea in five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Australian cities.

Overall
, more than half the population in all cities except Adelaide went to a café for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
or tea in last four weeks. While buying instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
also
popular and buying fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
generally
less common.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
going to cafés was most popular in Melbourne and Hobart at 64% and 63%
respectively
. Sydney was
comparably
high at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 60% followed by Brisbane around 56%, and
finally
Adelaide at under 50%. In Hobart, instant
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coffee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
stood at 54%, ahead of Brisbane and Adelaide at 52% and 50%
respectively
, Melbourne at 48% and
lastly
Sydney
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 45%.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
analyzing the graph, the stocking up on fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
was below 45% for all cities. It was most common in Sydney (44%) and Melbourne (42%). Hobart was
next
at 39%,
lastly
Adelaide and Brisbane were much lower and
nearly
level at around 34%.
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IELTS academic The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
164 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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