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The chart below shows the reason why people travel to work by bicycle or by car

The chart below shows the reason why people travel to work by bicycle or by car pOy2
The illustrated pie diagram depicts the basis of why individuals go to job by bike or by automobiles. It can clearly be seen that Health and also less pollution has had the largest ratio towards the motivation moreover faster than driving has the lowest rate. Meanwhile, comfort being the highest part of the basis towards driving to work, both distance to work and faster than biking being the least. To begin with, the statistics covering the percentages of the biggest basis for biking to labor revels that human beings voted for Health and fitness plus less pollution for 30%. The persons struggle to park and the proportion was 15. Finally, the minimum quantities in this category are no expenditures and faster than driving incurred a little less at around 13% respectively. On the other hand, the main superior motivation for using an automobile for more space for comfort to employment represented significantly highest fractions for overall basis given as 40%. In addition, inhabitants figure their way and manage to calculate the distance to work and were estimated at 21%. Faster than cycling and the heaviness of the belongings they need to bring was exempted and expected as 14%. Lastly, the least percentage in this image was safety which was estimated roughly 11%
The illustrated pie diagram depicts the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basis
of why individuals go to job by bike or by automobiles. It can
clearly
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that Health and
also
less pollution has had the largest ratio towards the motivation
moreover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
faster
than driving has the lowest rate. Meanwhile, comfort being the highest part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basis
towards driving to work, both distance to work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
faster
than biking being the least. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the statistics covering the percentages of the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basis
for biking to labor revels that human beings voted for Health and fitness plus less pollution for 30%. The persons struggle to park and the proportion was 15.
Finally
, the minimum quantities in this category are no expenditures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
faster
than driving incurred a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
less at around 13%
respectively
.
On the other hand
, the main superior motivation for using an automobile for more space for comfort to employment represented
significantly
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
fractions for
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
as 40%.
In addition
, inhabitants figure their way and manage to calculate the distance to work and
were estimated
at 21%.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Faster
than cycling and the heaviness of the belongings they need to bring
was exempted
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
as 14%.
Lastly
, the least percentage in this image was safety which
was estimated
roughly 11%

IELTS academic The chart below shows the reason why people travel to work by bicycle or by car

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
211 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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