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The bar chart shows the number of times per week (in1000s), over five weeks, that three computer packages were downloaded from the internet.

The bar chart shows the number of times per week (in1000s), over five weeks, that three computer packages were downloaded from the internet. oOW3
The graph provides data about how many times computer packages were downloaded in five weeks. Overall, higher proportion of ActiveX was downloaded than others, while less people used to download Net over the given period. To begin with, in the first week, the ActiveX was the most popular than Java and Net, accounting for about 70. 000, just under 40. 000 and almost 40. 000 respectively. The figure for ActiveX and Java experienced a slight increase to about 110. 000 and 60. 000 in turn, whereas the trend of Net decreased to approximately 20. 000 between week2 and week3. However, having decreased gradually to about 90. 000 in week4 in the trend of ActiveX, there was a dramatic rise, rocketing to just over 120. 000 in week5. With respect to Net, despite decreasing in half of given period, this was followed by a moderate growth to nearly 50. 000. The number of downloading the Java from the internet increased gradually over the given time frame.
The graph provides data about how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times computer packages
were downloaded
in five weeks.

Overall
, higher proportion of ActiveX
was downloaded
than others, while
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to download Net over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
, the ActiveX was the most
Use "(popular)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
popular
than Java and Net, accounting for about 70. 000,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 40. 000 and almost 40.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
000
respectively
. The figure for ActiveX and Java experienced a slight increase to about 110. 000 and 60. 000 in turn, whereas the trend of Net decreased to approximately 20.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
000
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week2
and week3.

However
, having decreased
gradually
to about 90. 000 in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week4
in the trend of ActiveX, there was a dramatic rise, rocketing to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 120. 000 in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week5
. With respect to Net, despite decreasing in half of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period, this
was followed
by a moderate growth to
nearly
50. 000. The number of downloading the Java from the internet increased
gradually
over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time frame.
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IELTS academic The bar chart shows the number of times per week (in1000s), over five weeks, that three computer packages were downloaded from the internet.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
165 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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