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the chart below shows the places visited by different people living in australia

the chart below shows the places visited by different people living in australia 5jKV
The bar chart indicates the percentage of three different visitors living in Australia who visit four different locations classified into zoo, library, theater, and cinema. These visitors are divided into those born in Australia, new migrants born in English-speaking countries, and new migrants born in other countries. What stands out from the data reveals that cinema is the most popular place among all places and the greatest rate in every location is broken up by different visitor category. To begin with, all visitors have common interest in cinema and visitors born in Australia shows the highest interest at virtually 70%. Nevertheless, both cinema and theater percentage illustrate enormous difference. The lowest interest of visitors is described in theater rate with only less than 25% visitors. Furthermore, major percentage of different place is peaked by different visitor category. The new migrants born in English-speaking countries category hit two greatest rates in library and zoo location. Its rate in zoo place is slight under the percentage of the highest one in Library place reaching the percentage above 50%. Surprisingly, the point of those born in Australia is identified as the highest rate not only in cinema but also entire places.
The bar chart indicates the
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percentage
of three
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different
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visitors
living in Australia who visit four
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different
locations classified into zoo, library, theater, and
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cinema
. These
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visitors
are divided
into those born in Australia, new migrants born in English-speaking countries, and new migrants born in other countries. What stands out from the data reveals that
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cinema
is the most popular
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place
among all
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places
and the greatest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in every location
is broken
up by
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different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitor
category.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
have common interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
and
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visitors
born in Australia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the highest interest at
virtually
70%.
Nevertheless
, both
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cinema
and theater
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percentage
illustrate enormous difference. The lowest interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
in theater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
less than 25% visitors.

Furthermore
, major
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percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
is peaked
by
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different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitor
category. The new migrants born in English-speaking
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
category hit two greatest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
in library and zoo location. Its
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rate
in zoo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
is slight under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of the highest one in Library
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
reaching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
above 50%.
Surprisingly
, the point of those born in Australia
is identified
as the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
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IELTS academic the chart below shows the places visited by different people living in australia

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
198 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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