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the chart below shows the percentage of people attending to cinema once

the chart below shows the percentage of people attending to cinema once Jqy1e
The line graph illustrates the how changes in going to cinema regarding a several of ages groups between 1984 and 2002 Overall, the remarkable thing is, in all years in this graph. In contrast, the group most interested in cinema was 15-24 years, the group aged 35 and above constituted the group that went to the cinema the least compared to the others. Furthermore, the most enthusiastic group was the 15-24 ages group despite that, it showed many fluctuations also, some of them going sharply. During that time, the other two groups, under the 14 age group and between 25-34 age group, showed fluctuations besides that they have remained close to each other. But despite all the fluctuations, the rate of attending to movies in all age groups has increased steadily. While this increase rose to approximately 50 percent for the 15-24 age group, it grew to 20 percent for the 35 and over age group in 2002.
The line graph illustrates
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the how
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changes
in going to cinema regarding a several of
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ages
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groups
between 1984 and 2002

Overall
, the remarkable thing is, in all years in this graph.
In contrast
, the
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group
most interested in cinema was 15-24 years, the
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group
aged 35 and above constituted the
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group
that went to the cinema the least compared to the others.
Furthermore
, the most enthusiastic
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group
was the 15-24
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ages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
despite that, it
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showed
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many
fluctuations
also
,
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some
of them going
sharply
.

During that time, the other two
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groups
, under the 14
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and between 25-34
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
,
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showed
fluctuations
besides
that they have remained close to each other.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
despite all the fluctuations, the rate of attending to movies in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
has increased
steadily
. While this increase rose to approximately 50 percent for the 15-24
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, it grew to 20 percent for the 35 and over
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
in 2002.
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IELTS academic the chart below shows the percentage of people attending to cinema once

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
158 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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