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The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in KWww9
The bar graph shows the number of men and women studying in further education in Britain over three period and whether they studies full time or part time back then. In all years and in both genders the number of those who continued their education in a part-time mode was significantly higher than those studying in full-time mode. In males for example in the years 1970 and 1971 the number of males studying part-time was around 1000 in further education which is drastically higher as compared to the number of men studying full-time. Moreover another example is in the years 1980 and 1981, the number of males in part time higher education was around 900 which is significantly greater than those enrolled in full time education. In order to emphasize this claim, in females as well the number of those with part-time education is larger than females taking full-rime education. For instance, in the years 1990 and 1991 the number of females registered in parttime studies was around 1000 which is five more times higher than that of females registered for a full time education. In addition to that the bar graph clearly shows that there is a noticeable great growth in the number of females taking part time further education throughout the three periods. This number elevated from around 700 in the 1970’s to reach approximately 1100 in the 1990’s. full time female students also increased throughout the three periods but the increase was not as significant as that regarding the part-time system. Nevertheless, in males it is noted that in the year 1980 and 1981 a decrease in both part time and full time further studies was shown with around 800 thousands and 100 thousands respectively. Moreover in the 1990’s the number of both part time and full time education increased again to reach around 900 thousands for part time and around 200 thousands for full time education. However, one must note that between all three period for men the number for both type of higher education was the most superior. As the periods passed in Britain the number of part time education was always higher in both gender. However in females the number increased throughout the years, wgereas in men it fluctuated but was still less than in 1970.
The bar graph
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shows
the
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number
of
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men
and women
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studying
in
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further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in Britain over three
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period
and whether they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "study"
studies
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full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or
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part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
back then.

In all years and in both genders the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of those who continued their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
Consider replacing "in a part-time mode" with the adverb for "part-time"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a part-time mode
was
significantly
higher than those
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studying
in full-time mode. In
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males
for example
in the years 1970 and 1971 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
part-time was
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around
1000 in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
which is
drastically
higher
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to the
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
full-time.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
another example is in the years 1980 and 1981, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
900 which is
significantly
greater than those enrolled in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. In order to emphasize this claim, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
as well
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of those with part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is larger than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
taking full-rime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For instance
, in the years 1990 and 1991 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
registered in
Possible spelling mistake found.
parttime
studies was
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around
1000 which is five more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
higher than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
registered for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
education.

In addition
to that the bar graph
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that there is a noticeable great growth in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
throughout the three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
periods
. This
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number
elevated from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
700 in the
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1970s".
1970’s
to reach approximately 1100 in the
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1990s".
1990’s
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
students
also
increased throughout the three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
periods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the increase was not as significant as that regarding the part-time system.
Nevertheless
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
it
is noted
that in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1980 and 1981 a decrease in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
further
studies
was shown
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
800 thousands and 100 thousands
respectively
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
in the
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1990s".
1990’s
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
increased again to reach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
900 thousands for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
200 thousands for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
However
, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
note that between all three
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period
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
for both type of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
was the most superior.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
periods
passed in Britain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
was always higher in both gender.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
the
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number
increased throughout the years,
Possible spelling mistake found.
wgereas
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
it fluctuated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
was
still
less than in 1970.
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IELTS academic The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
382 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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