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The chart below shows the number of japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and australia's share of the japanese tourist market.

The chart below shows the number of japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and australia's share of the japanese tourist market. 83wl
The chart shows the percentage of people coming to australia and the total of japanese tourists travelling foreign in the middle of 1985 and 1995. Overall, there is an increased growth of passengers travelling aboard and reaches highest at the end of the year which is same as the proportion shifting to australia. The figure shows some fluctuations in migrating to various places. In the begining only a few people of about 5million are moving in the year 85 and there is an increase of around 1 - 1. 5 million in next successive 5 years reached 11millions in the year 1990. In 90 it reached nearly 12million in 92 prior to drop out of about 1million in 91. Again there is an gradual grew in the next 3 years finally reached 15million in 95. Figure2 depicts, an exact of 2% of japan individuals are proceeding to go to australia prior to 0% before the year 85. There is a rise in the successive 3 years of about 1. 5%, fell down of 0. 5% in 89 before reaching to more than 6% in the year 93. Finally an 6% are going to australia in the year 94.
The chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
coming to
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australia
and the total of
Possible spelling mistake found.
japanese
tourists travelling foreign in the middle of 1985 and 1995.
Overall
, there is an increased growth of passengers travelling aboard and reaches highest at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
which is same as the proportion shifting to
Possible spelling mistake found.
australia
.

The figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations in migrating to various places. In the
Possible spelling mistake found.
begining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
5million
are moving in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
85 and there is an increase of around
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
1 - 1
. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in
next
successive 5 years reached
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
11millions
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1990. In
The comma is probably missing here: "90, it".
90 it
reached
nearly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
12million
in 92 prior to drop out of about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
1million
in 91. Again there is
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
gradual grew in the
next
3 years
finally
reached
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
15million
in 95.

Figure2 depicts,
The phrase 'an exact of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'an' and 'of'.
an exact of
2% of japan individuals are proceeding to go to
Possible spelling mistake found.
australia
prior to 0%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
85. There is a rise in the successive 3 years of about 1. 5%, fell down of 0. 5% in 89
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching to more than 6% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
93.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
an 6% are going to
Possible spelling mistake found.
australia
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
94.
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IELTS academic The chart below shows the number of japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and australia's share of the japanese tourist market.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
198 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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