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The chart below shows the number and the purpose of trips made by men and women.

The chart below shows the number and the purpose of trips made by men and women. GLo72
The information about the both genders who campared for various purpose of trips in European country in the given year 2007, has been depicted in the rendered bar graph. It statistics clear illustrate that travelling to work, men stood at just over 300 trips in 2007, which was approximately 100 trip higher than for women trips, which was above 200. As opposed it, male and female were less perference for day trip as its stood at under 50. Moreover, the difference between the both genders for sport and entertainment trip was 10. As it is shown, the highest number of shopping trips made by female, which accounts for merely 275, as againt it, male planned under 200 trips for shopping. Both genders organized almost equal amount of trips to met friends, which constities nearly 200. Overall, it is observed that the highest number of trips planned by men instead of women for various three purpose except shopping and meeting friends in European nation in given period of time.
The information about the both genders who
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campared
for various purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
in European country in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
year 2007, has
been depicted
in the rendered bar graph.

It seems that the possessive pronoun "its" fits better in this context. Please verify.
It
statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
illustrate that travelling to work,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
stood at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 300
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
in 2007, which was approximately 100
Possible agreement error. The noun 'trip' seems to be countable, so consider using: "trips".
trip
higher than for women
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trips
, which was above 200. As opposed it, male and female were less
Possible spelling mistake found.
perference
for day
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trip
as its stood at under 50.
Moreover
, the difference between the both genders for sport and entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
was 10.

As it
is shown
, the highest number of shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
made by female, which accounts for
merely
275, as
Possible spelling mistake found.
againt
it, male planned under 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
for shopping. Both genders organized almost equal amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
to met friends, which
Possible spelling mistake found.
constities
nearly
200.

Overall
, it
is observed
that the highest number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
planned by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
instead
of women for various three purpose except shopping and meeting friends in European nation in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period of time.
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IELTS academic The chart below shows the number and the purpose of trips made by men and women.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
168 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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