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The chart below shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 2000 to 2006.

The chart gives thr infotmation about world wide sales of 4 type of digital games over 6 years from 2000 to 2006. Units are measured in dollars. Overall, handheld games were sold more billion dollars than other games in the period given. Whereas global sales of console games decreased step by step, the sales of games ( mobile phone and online ) rose. In 2000, console games were purchased at almost 6 billion dollars, whereas handheld games were bought at just under 12 billion dollar. The global sales of console games declined, compared to the sales of handheld showed an increase till 2000. Then, in this year 2 type of games (mobile phone and online) emerged. While the world wide sales of mobile phone games were about 3 billion dollars, and console games were sold approximately 5 billion dollars in 2003. The console games were sold at approximately 14 billion dollars. The sales of online games and handheld games increased, and they were sold about 9 and almost 18 billion dollars respectively in 2006. While mobile phone games were sold just over 6 billion dollars, the sales of console games were over 3 billion dollars.
The chart gives
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thr
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infotmation
about
The adjective/adverb “worldwide” is spelled as one word.
world wide
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sales
of 4 type of digital
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games
over 6 years from 2000 to 2006. Units
are measured
in
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dollars
.
Overall
, handheld
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games
were sold
more
Use “a billion” or use a number before ‘billion’.
billion
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dollars
than other
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games
in the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
. Whereas global
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sales
of
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console
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games
decreased step by step, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
Don’t put a space after the opening parenthesis.
(
mobile
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phone
and online
Don’t put a space before the closing parenthesis.
)
rose. In 2000,
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console
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games
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
at almost 6
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billion
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dollars
, whereas handheld
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games
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 12
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billion
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dollar
. The global
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sales
of
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console
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games
declined, compared to the
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sales
of handheld
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an increase till 2000. Then, in this year 2 type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
(mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and online) emerged. While the
The adjective/adverb “worldwide” is spelled as one word.
world wide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of mobile
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phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
were about 3
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billion
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dollars
, and
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console
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games
were sold
approximately 5
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billion
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dollars
in 2003. The
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console
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games
were sold
at approximately 14
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billion
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dollars
. The
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sales
of online
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games
and handheld
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games
increased, and they
were sold
about 9 and almost 18
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billion
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dollars
respectively
in 2006. While mobile
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phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
were sold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 6
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billion
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dollars
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
console
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
were over 3
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
.
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IELTS academic The chart below shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 2000 to 2006.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
195 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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