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The bar chart below illustrates the usage of energy in UK and USA in 2000 and 2006.

A glance at the graph provided reveals some data concerning the energy consumption in UK and USA over the period 6 years. (2000 and 2006) One particularly interesting fact highlighted by the figure is that the oil and coal was in higher percentage in USA during the first year, but in the next year the oil and gas increased in UK. With regard to details, the oil and coal was 28% and 30% respectively in UK during 2009 while the gas and nuclear power consumptions were 20% and 15%. The other renewable sources were with the lowest percentage woth 10% in UK. However, the consumptions of oil and coal were 38% and 35% in USA whilst the other sources gas and nuclear power was 12% 12% and 8% accordingly. Also, the other renewable sources were only 6% in 2000, As can be seen from the picture, in 2006, the oil and coal productions of USA were 40% and 25% while the gas and nuclear power increased significantly with 27% and 6% aptly. Then, the other renewable sources were 5% in USA but, in UK it was 10%. The oil and coal consumptions saw a marginal decrease to 30% and 15% in UK. Also, the gas and nuclear power was 22% and 5% in 2006 in order.
A glance at the graph provided reveals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
data concerning the energy
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consumption
in UK and USA over the period 6 years. (2000 and 2006)

One
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particularly interesting
fact highlighted by the figure is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and coal was in higher percentage in

USA during the
first
year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the
next
year the
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oil
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
increased in UK.

With regard to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and coal was 28% and 30%
respectively
in UK during 2009 while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
and nuclear

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
power
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consumptions
were 20% and 15%. The
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other
renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
were with the lowest percentage
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woth
10% in UK.
However
, the
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consumptions
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and coal were 38% and 35%
A determiner is probably missing here: “in the USA”.
in USA
whilst the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
and nuclear power was
Possible typo: you repeated a word
12% 12%
and 8%
accordingly
.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
6% in 2000,

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the picture, in 2006, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and coal productions
A determiner is probably missing here: “of the USA”.
of USA
were 40% and 25% while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
and

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
nuclear
power increased
significantly
with 27% and 6%
aptly
. Then, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
were 5%
A determiner is probably missing here: “in the USA”.
in USA
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, in UK it was 10%. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
and coal
Possible spelling mistake found.
consumptions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a marginal decrease to 30% and 15% in UK.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
and nuclear power was 22% and 5% in 2006 in order.
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IELTS academic The bar chart below illustrates the usage of energy in UK and USA in 2000 and 2006.

Academic
  American English
7 paragraphs
216 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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