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the chart below shows the amount spent on six consumer goods in four European countries.

the chart below shows the amount spent on six consumer goods in four European countries. mM1d
The illustrated bar chart elucidates the money utilised by the citizen of four different countries of Europe to purchase goods. overall, it is noticed that residents of Britain spent the highest value of money to brought various products. Whereas, inhabitant of Germany consume least number of goods. It is vividly clear, that people of Britain brought maximum number of personal stereos that was 155 followed by the residents of Italy that was around 150, whereas equal number of personal stereos were purchased by citizens of France and Italy. Moreover, 155 pieces of tennis racquets were taken by the people of Britain and Italy. However, the residents of France were brought only 145 pieces. Moving further, in habitats of France consume 145 pieces of perfumes, while the residents of Britain taken highest number of perfumes that were around 160. Proceeding further, the Britain was a country who purchase highest value of Cds and toys that were approximately 165. However, people of Italy and Germany spent large proportion of money then the citizen of France to brought toys and CDS that were around 155 and 150, respectively. Furthermore, large percentage of photographic films taken by the humans of Britain, while least were the masses of Germany.
The illustrated bar chart elucidates the money
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
by the citizen of four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries of Europe to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
overall
, it
is noticed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
of Britain spent the highest value of money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brought
various products.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, inhabitant of Germany consume
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. It is
vividly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of Britain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brought
maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of personal stereos that was 155 followed by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
of Italy that was around 150, whereas equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of personal stereos were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
by citizens of France and Italy.
Moreover
, 155 pieces of tennis racquets
were taken
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of Britain and Italy.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
of France were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brought
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
145 pieces. Moving
further
, in habitats of France consume 145 pieces of perfumes, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
of Britain taken
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of perfumes that were around 160. Proceeding
further
, the Britain was a country who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
value of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cds
and toys that were approximately 165.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of Italy and Germany spent large proportion of money then the citizen of France to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brought
toys and CDS that were around 155 and 150,
respectively
.
Furthermore
, large percentage of photographic films taken by the humans of Britain, while least were the masses of Germany.
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IELTS academic the chart below shows the amount spent on six consumer goods in four European countries.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
204 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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