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The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA.

This chart shows that having heart attacks by gender and age group. It can be seen that while men have suffered more than women, people between 29-44 ages don’t have heart attacks. Men between 45-64 ages have heart attacks sharply increase that it seems that the results of heart attacks in 29-44 ages have rose treble. Generally, the results of heart attacks in men of all ages are higher than in women. While women in 29-44 ages have never suffered heart attacks, men in the same age have had heart attacks slightly higher. According to this chart, we can see that men and women over 65 ages have sharply increased.
This chart
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shows
that having
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heart
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attacks
by gender and
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age
group. It can be
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seen
that while
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men
have suffered more than women,
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people
between 29-44
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ages
don’t have
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heart
attacks.

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Men
between 45-64
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ages
have
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heart
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attacks
sharply
increase that it seems that the results of
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heart
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attacks
in 29-44
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ages
have rose treble.
Generally
, the results of
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heart
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attacks
in
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men
of all
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ages
are higher than in women.

While women in 29-44
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ages
have never suffered
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heart
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attacks
,
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men
in the same
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age
have had
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heart
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attacks
slightly
higher. According to this chart, we can
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see
that
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men
and women over 65
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
have
sharply
increased.
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IELTS academic The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
110 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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