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The chart below shows days taken off work due to stress related illnesses by job for Men and woman

The chart below shows days taken off work due to stress related illnesses by job for Men and woman 0MJXl
The bar chart illustrates periods which were taken off work owing to be high - pressured sicknesses by job for Men and women in 1998. It can be divided into four distinct types as I Will now explain. Overall, It can be seen from the graph that the highest vocation work of fir fighter were taken by Men, while factory workers of both Men and women consistently were the lowest takers of days off. Furthermore, there was a moderate increase of taking days off for women as a both Police officer and a fire fighter. It is clear from the graph that the highest rising degree of stress related job was fire fighter between Men and women. It reached a peak up to 14 days and were taken as a day off. In a similar way, women took only four days as a day of rest. As opposed to fire fighter, the job of Police officer's days off were taken up to 12 days by Men and as well as women took 7 days of rest during one year. In terms of factory workers of Men and women, the rate remained relatively stable. From the point of job as a teacher which was considered high pressured job was only got hold of 3 days from women and 4 days from Men out of 15days of rest over the entire period.
The bar chart illustrates periods which
were taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
work owing to be high
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
pressured sicknesses by
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job
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in 1998. It can
be divided
into four distinct types as I Will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
.
Overall
, It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph that the highest vocation work of fir
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fighter
were taken
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
, while factory workers of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
consistently
were the lowest takers of days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
.
Furthermore
, there was a moderate increase of taking days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as a both Police officer and a fire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fighter
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the graph that the highest rising degree of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
was fire
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fighter
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. It reached a peak up to 14 days and
were taken
as a day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
.
Consider replacing "In a similar way" with the adverb for "similar"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
In a similar way
,
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women
took
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
four days as a day of rest. As opposed to fire
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fighter
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
of Police officer's days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
were taken
up to 12 days by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
and
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
took 7 days of rest during one year. In terms of factory workers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, the rate remained
relatively
stable. From the point of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as a teacher which
was considered
high pressured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
hold of 3 days from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and 4 days from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
out of 15days of rest over the entire period.
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IELTS academic The chart below shows days taken off work due to stress related illnesses by job for Men and woman

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
230 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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