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the chart below shows changes of educational backgrounds of employees of a company in 2004,2009,2013

the chart below shows changes of educational backgrounds of employees of a company in 2004, 2009, 2013 DokO6
The bar chart gives information about the replacement of academic background of the employees of a company in three years (2004, 2009, 2013) Overall, the number of total staff members remained stable while the academic background fluctuated during the period shown. In 2004, the number of secondary members was highest in total. By contrast, The number of higher degree of company increased gradually. In 2004, the company had 80 employees which were 60 secondary members, 20 bachelors, and just 2 masters. Then, in 2009, the company had changed in the academic background of human resources. The figure for secondary declined significantly double to 33 members while the number of higher education increased. The bachelors and masters increase double to 43, 5 respectively while human resource in company appeared 1 Ph. D. member. In 2013, the number of secondary members continuously declined to 19 members. the figure for masters and PhD members increase fivefold to 25, 5 employees respectively while the number of people who graduated with bachelor degree decreased by about 10 members.
The bar chart gives information about the replacement of academic background of the employees of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
in three years (2004, 2009, 2013)

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of total staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
remained stable while the academic background fluctuated during the period shown. In 2004, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
was highest in total. By contrast, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of higher degree of
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company
increased
gradually
.

In 2004, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
had 80 employees which were 60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
, 20 bachelors, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
2 masters. Then, in 2009, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in the academic background of human resources. The figure for
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secondary
declined
significantly
double to 33
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members
while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of higher education increased. The bachelors and masters increase double to 43, 5
respectively
while human resource in
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company
appeared 1
The more common abbreviation of the term 'philosophiae doctor' is "Ph.D.".
Ph. D.
member.

In 2013, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
continuously
declined to 19
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
figure for masters and PhD
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members
increase fivefold to 25, 5 employees
respectively
while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who graduated with bachelor degree decreased by about 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
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IELTS academic the chart below shows changes of educational backgrounds of employees of a company in 2004, 2009, 2013

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
173 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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