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The chart below show information about the body weight and diet of people in western and asian countries

The chart below show information about the body weight and diet of people in western and asian countries XDXrr
The diagram illustrates the rate of body weight in Western Countries and Asian Countries. In general, the flow chart of two areas are different in every stage. The percentage of protein in Western countries is lower than the Asian, but the fat ratio is higher than Asian more than fourteen percent. The carbohydrate in Asian is higher than ten percent. According to the data, the underweight in Western countries are extremely low, only six percent. Moving on to the healthy weight in Asian is account for a higher percentage, which means in Asian people are living healthier than countries in Western. Finally, the number of overweight in Western is ginormous, up to 63%, much more than Asian, almost half.
The diagram illustrates the rate of body weight in Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
and Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
.
In general
, the flow chart of two areas are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in every stage. The percentage of protein in Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is lower than the Asian,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
ratio is higher than Asian more than fourteen percent. The carbohydrate in Asian is higher than ten percent. According to the data, the underweight in Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
extremely
low,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
six percent. Moving on to the healthy weight in Asian is account for a higher percentage, which means in Asian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are living healthier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in Western.
Finally
, the number of overweight in Western is ginormous, up to 63%, much more than Asian, almost half.
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IELTS academic The chart below show information about the body weight and diet of people in western and asian countries

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
119 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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