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the chart below gives information age of woman Australian when they give birth theri first child

the chart below gives information age of woman Australian when they give birth theri first child nXoNe
The chart illustrates 7 different groups age of woman from Australia when they drop their first child, in 3 different timeline 1996, 1986 and 2006 Overall, The most obvious point that there are two contrast trends, the proportion of woman belong to group 19-under and 20-24 decreased while the figure of woman from age 30-34, 34-39 and 40 plus rose up and others was fluctuable over the period. Beginning in 1996, the number of women between 20 to 24 years old was almost 70%, the following group was around 25-30 years old, around 40% and lower than that was about 19-under approximately 35%. However, after 1996, there was a significant drop by over 15%-20% in both women from 19 years old to 24 years old over the period. In contrast to this, even though 3 groups left started lower than others at first, from 1986 to 2006 the percentage of women from groups around age 30 to 40 tended to grow. The figure of women from the ages of 30-34 was especially impressive, which took the largest proportion, more than 50% in the last period, greater than people around age 34-39 by 20%. In addition, the lowest of the chart was the number of women from age 40 to plus, just roughly improving to half 10% in the last year.
The chart illustrates 7
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different
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groups
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age
of woman from Australia when they drop their
first
child, in 3
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different
timeline 1996, 1986 and 2006

Overall
, The most obvious point that there are two contrast trends, the proportion of woman belong to
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group
19-under and 20-24 decreased while the figure of woman from
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age
30-34, 34-39 and 40 plus rose up
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and others
was
Possible spelling mistake found.
fluctuable
over the period.

Beginning in 1996, the number of
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women
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 20 and 24".
between 20 to 24
years
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old
was almost 70%, the following
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group
was
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around
25-30 years
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old
,
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around
40% and lower than that was about 19-under approximately 35%.
However
, after 1996, there was a significant drop by over 15%-20% in both
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women
from 19 years
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old
to 24 years
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old
over the period.

In contrast
to this,
even though
3
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groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
lower than others at
first
, from 1986 to 2006 the percentage of
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women
from
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groups
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around
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age
30 to 40 tended to grow. The figure of
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women
from the
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ages
of 30-34 was
especially
impressive, which took the largest proportion, more than 50% in the last period, greater than
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
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age
34-39 by 20%.
In addition
, the lowest of the chart was the number of
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women
from
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age
40 to plus,
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just
roughly improving to half 10% in the last
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year
.
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IELTS academic the chart below gives information age of woman Australian when they give birth theri first child

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
220 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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