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The chart below gives information about global sales of games software, dvds, and cds. write a report

The chart below gives information about global sales of games software, dvds, and cds. write a report WyBLN
The bar graph shows the changes in relation to worldwide sales of electronic games, such as DVDs, CDs and games software during the period 2000 and 2003. It can be seen that overall the trend was the DVD becoming more popular over the years. While, CD sales declined and sales in games software increased slightly. During those 3 years, DVDs gained a position in the market. In 2000 the sales of DVDs were about $15billion and in 2003 DVD sales increased to $30 billion. During this time period, CD and games software barely improved their sales. As over the years CD sales reduced from $35 billion to just over $30billion. Sales of games software increased gradually over those three years, reaching their maximum in 2003 at nearly $20 billion. Overall, the main trend during this period of time was the gradual increase in sales of DVDs, which became almost as popular as CDs in the early years of the 21st century.
The bar graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in relation to worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, such as DVDs,
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CDs
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
during the period 2000 and 2003.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
overall
the trend was the DVD becoming more popular
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over
the years. While, CD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
declined and
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sales
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
increased
slightly
. During those 3 years, DVDs gained a position in the market. In 2000 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of DVDs were about
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$15billion
and in 2003 DVD
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sales
increased to $30
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billion
. During this time period, CD and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
barely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
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over
the years CD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
from $35
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billion
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
$30billion
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sales
of
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games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
increased
gradually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
those three years, reaching their maximum in 2003 at
nearly
$20 billion.

Overall
, the main trend during this period of time was the gradual increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of DVDs, which became almost as popular as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
in the early years of the 21st century.

IELTS academic The chart below gives information about global sales of games software, dvds, and cds. write a report

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
161 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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