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The bare graph shows the percentage of calories intake by different age groups of UK

The bare graph shows the percentage of calories intake by different age groups of UK 9lB9p
The statistics of three distinctive aged-groups of 0-24, 25-49, and over 50 who intake calories from four products named diary, meat, pulses, vegetables as well by the indiginous people of United Kingdom has delineated by the bar graph. Overall, a significant amount of pulses had eaten by older persons as compared to other age groups; whereas, the ratio of diary products declined with increasing of age of the Britishers. On scrutinizing the chart, it is conspicuous that initialy youngsters tended to consume milk products more which was accounted 42%; afterwards, its demand reduced by a half when the age of multitudes lies between 25 and 49. In addition, this proportion reached to 13% when individuals become older. Interestingly, a similar percentum of meat was taken by infants and over 50; however, a 50% of meat was eaten by aged-group of 25-49. Probing further, a negligible difference of almost 3% was witnesses in the consumption of pulses and vegetables of 0-24 aged-groups. Moreover, the percentage of both goods declined from 17 to 10 and 20 to 15, respectively. To add on, senior citizens preferred to eat pulses amounted calories nearly 65% which was one-fifth more than the vegetables.
The statistics of three distinctive aged-groups of 0-24, 25-49, and over 50 who intake calories from four products named diary, meat,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pulses
, vegetables
as well
by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
indiginous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the United Kingdom".
of United Kingdom
has delineated by the bar graph.

Overall
, a significant amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pulses
had eaten by older persons as compared to other age groups; whereas, the ratio of diary products declined with increasing of age of the Britishers.

On scrutinizing the chart, it is conspicuous that
Possible spelling mistake found.
initialy
youngsters tended to consume milk products more which
was accounted
42%; afterwards, its demand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by a half when the age of multitudes lies between 25 and 49.
In addition
, this proportion reached to 13% when individuals become older.
Interestingly
, a similar
Possible spelling mistake found.
percentum
of meat
was taken
by infants and over 50;
however
, a 50% of meat
was eaten
by aged-group of 25-49.

Probing
further
, a negligible difference of almost 3% was witnesses in the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pulses
and vegetables of 0-24 aged-groups.
Moreover
, the percentage of both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
declined from 17 to 10 and 20 to 15,
respectively
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
on, senior citizens preferred to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pulses
amounted calories
nearly
65% which was one-fifth more than the vegetables.
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IELTS academic The bare graph shows the percentage of calories intake by different age groups of UK

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
197 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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