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the results of a Labour Force Survey in the UK in 2007

the results of a Labour Force Survey in the UK in 2007 Ny3bd
The bar chart compares the differences in proportions of nine distinct occupations regarding to genders based on a survey from the UK Labour Force in 2007. It can be clearly seen that men mostly work as Skilled trades and Managers and senior officials while the majority of women involved to administrative and secretarial sectors. According to the graph, there are five occupations that male employees had higher proportion than female. Firstly, Skilled trades occupied the largest proportion for men, 19%, and had the widest gap between men and women by approximately 3 times. The figure for women was only 2% which was the least proportion among the nine jobs. Also, the difference in Process, plant and Machine operatives had a similar pattern with the top one. However, Managers and senior officials ranked the second most for male staff, 18%, it was different from female only 5%. Lastly, Professional and Elementary were not registered much different portions for both sexes. In contrast, Administrative and secretarial jobs were much more popular for female group than male by 4 times, and it accounted for one-fifth, the highest percentage among the nine jobs. Additionally, the figures for Personal service and Sales and customer service in women were also larger than those of male about 2. 5 and 2 times respectively. Finally, only 3% differences in Associate professional and technical occupations that hired women than men occurred.
The bar chart compares the differences in proportions of nine distinct occupations
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
genders based on a survey from the UK
Possible spelling mistake. 'Labour' is British English.
Labour
Force in 2007.

It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
mostly
work as Skilled trades and Managers and senior officials while the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
involved to administrative and secretarial sectors.

According to the graph, there are five occupations that male employees had higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
than female.
Firstly
, Skilled trades occupied the largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, 19%, and had the widest gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
by approximately 3 times. The figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2% which was the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
among the nine jobs.
Also
, the difference in Process, plant and Machine operatives had a similar pattern with the top one.
However
, Managers and senior officials ranked the second most for male staff, 18%, it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from female
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5%.
Lastly
, Professional and Elementary were not registered much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
portions for both sexes.

In contrast
, Administrative and secretarial jobs were much more popular for female group than male by 4 times, and it accounted for one-fifth, the highest percentage among the nine jobs.
Additionally
, the figures for Personal service and Sales and customer service in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were
also
larger than those of male about 2. 5 and 2 times
respectively
.
Finally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3% differences in Associate professional and technical occupations that hired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
occurred.
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IELTS academic the results of a Labour Force Survey in the UK in 2007

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
232 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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