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The bar graph shows the leisure activity prefered by the children of Australia

The bar graph shows the leisure activity prefered by the children of Australia qLeGa
The vertical bar graph demonstrates the statistical data for leisure activity prefered by the juveniles of Australia, in percentage. Overall, it can be depicted from the graph that watching television and videos accounted the highest proportion whereas skateboarding as well as rollerblading noted the least ratio in both boys and girls. To commence with, almost 100% of children watched television and video of age group 5-14. However, in terms of art and craft females overrated males by 25%, which is 35% of boys selected art and craft while around 60% of girls choses the same. On the contrary, bike riding is more popular among boys as compared to girl's, which is 70% in boys and less than 60% in girls. Moreover, electronic and computer games have quite similar percentage which is 60% in female child and 80% in male child. Lastly, the lowest ratio is noticed by skateboarding and also by rollerblading, which is about 40% and 22% in boys and girls respectively.
The vertical bar graph demonstrates the statistical data for leisure activity
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "preferred", the past tense form of the verb 'prefer'?
prefered
by the juveniles of Australia, in percentage.
Overall
, it can
be depicted
from the graph that watching television and videos accounted the highest proportion whereas skateboarding
as well
as rollerblading noted the least ratio in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
. To commence with, almost 100% of children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
television and video of age group 5-14.
However
, in terms of art and craft females overrated males by 25%, which is 35% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
selected art and craft while around 60% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
Possible spelling mistake found.
choses
the same.
On the contrary
, bike riding is more popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
as compared to girl's, which is 70% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and less than 60% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
Moreover
, electronic and computer games have quite similar percentage which is 60% in female child and 80% in male child.
Lastly
, the lowest ratio
is noticed
by skateboarding and
also
by rollerblading, which is about 40% and 22% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The bar graph shows the leisure activity prefered by the children of Australia

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
163 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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