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The bar graph shows the information about the percentage of the profit made from 7-most-viewed movies types from 1995 to 2005.

The bar graph shows the information about the percentage of the profit made from 7-most-viewed movies types from 1995 to 2005. GLKLo
The bar graph shows the information about the percentage of the profit made from 7-most-viewed movies types from 1995 to 2005. Overall, it is clear that figures of Adventure, Comedy and Drama are highest in comparison with others. Besides, people who chose to watch adventurous and comedic movies rose rapidly in 10 years. In 1995, the proportion of Drama and Action were the greatest and then they declined gradually between 2000 and 2005. Following them were Action and Adventure which was 17% and 14%. In contrast, the others included Thriller, Musicals and Animation had minimal figures and were just approximately 5%. By 2000, they increased slowly from about 5% to under 10% in 5 years. While the percentage of Adventure, Drama and Action movies experienced slight drops, but that of Comedy went up 5%. In the last 5 years, the adventurous and comedic movies were clearly the highest figures among others. Lastly, all of the others were decreased in 2005.
The bar graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the information about the percentage of the profit made from 7-most-viewed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
types from 1995 to 2005.
Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that figures of Adventure, Comedy and Drama are highest
in comparison
with others.
Besides
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who chose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
adventurous and comedic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
rose
rapidly
in 10 years. In 1995, the proportion of Drama and Action were the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
greatest and
then they declined
gradually
between 2000 and 2005. Following them were Action and Adventure which was 17% and 14%.
In contrast
, the others included Thriller, Musicals and Animation had minimal figures and were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
approximately 5%. By 2000, they increased
slowly
from about 5% to under 10% in 5 years. While the percentage of Adventure, Drama and Action
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
experienced slight drops,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that of Comedy went up 5%. In the last 5 years, the adventurous and comedic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
were
clearly
the highest figures among others.
Lastly
,
Consider using "all the".
all of the
others
were decreased
in 2005.

IELTS academic The bar graph shows the information about the percentage of the profit made from 7-most-viewed movies types from 1995 to 2005.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
160 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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