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The bar graph shows the earnings of different products in year 2015-16

The bar graph shows the earnings of different products in year 2015-16 0AGgO
The graph illustrates the export income of five products (petroleum, engineered goods, gems and jewellery, agricultural and textiles) between 2015 and 16. Data is calibrated in terms of billion dollars. Overall, earnings through petroleum products was highest; whereas, income from textiles experienced least percentage. The most significant difference of earning was in agricultural products, it was most identical but not similar. Having a myopic look on bar graph, it is interesting to note that in the second year wealth made from engineered goods was above 16 billion dollars as opposed to the 2015 was around 58 billion dollars. The petroleum products earning was over doubled from agricultural products was( $ 30 billions and approximately 60 billion dollars correspondingly. ) Furthermore, the proportion of gems and jewellery was under 50 billion dollars in both years. The earning through the remaining products was lower nearly 25 billion dollars in comparison to the agricultural goods, and in 2016 the earning through textiles was just above 30 billion dollars.
The graph illustrates the export income of five
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products
(petroleum, engineered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, gems and
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
,
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agricultural
and textiles) between 2015 and 16. Data
is calibrated
in terms of
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billion
dollars.

Overall
,
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earnings
through petroleum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
was highest; whereas, income from textiles experienced least percentage. The most significant difference of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
was in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, it was most identical
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not similar.

Having a myopic look on bar graph, it is interesting to note that in the second year wealth made from engineered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
was above 16
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
as opposed to the 2015 was around 58
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
. The petroleum
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products
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
was over doubled from
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agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
was
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
The currency mark is usually written without any whitespace: "$30".
$ 30
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billions
and approximately 60
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billion
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dollars
correspondingly
.
Loose punctuation mark.
)


Furthermore
, the proportion of gems and
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
was under 50
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billion
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dollars
in both years. The
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earning
through the remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
was lower
nearly
25
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
in comparison
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, and in 2016 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
through textiles was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
.

IELTS academic The bar graph shows the earnings of different products in year 2015-16

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
165 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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