Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The bar graph shows the boys and girls who particapted in different sports outside school hours in 2004

The bar graph shows the boys and girls who particapted in different sports outside school hours in 2004 9Q2Jx
The given bar graph compares the boys and girls who participated in different sports outside school hours in 2014. The data is given in percentage. Overall, it is clear that the maximum boys and girls participated in football. whereas, most girls were engaged in netball. Discerning the bar graph, in 2014, one fifth of boys preferred football. However, the participation of girls in football was the least at less than five percentage. In contrast, there Who are only 1% of difference between girls and boys who are not indulge in any kind of sports. In Swimming girls were more interested at almost 16% about the percentage of boys were less. Probing further, The girls participated in netball which was the highest participation of girls in 2014. While, a tiny fraction of boys were in indulged netball. In basketball the percentage of both work and girls were almost same as only 1% of boys were participated more as compare to girls.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph compares the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participated
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sports outside school hours in 2014. The data is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
.
Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participated
in football.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
whereas
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
were engaged
in netball. Discerning the bar graph, in 2014, one fifth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
preferred football.
However
, the participation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
in football was the least at less than five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
.
In contrast
, there Who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1% of difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
who are not
Consider using a past participle here: "indulged".
indulge
in any kind of sports. In Swimming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
were more interested at almost 16% about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
were less. Probing
further
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participated
in netball which was the highest participation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
in 2014.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, a tiny fraction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
Possible agreement error
were
in indulged netball. In basketball the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of both work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
were almost same as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participated
more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS academic The bar graph shows the boys and girls who particapted in different sports outside school hours in 2004

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
160 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 6band
    The graph below shows the number of international conferences in three cities from 1965 to 2010. image. png
    The line graph demonstrates the figure for global organization in three cities in the period years ( 1965 to 2010) Overall, the number of international conferences in three cities had gradual fluctuation between 1965 and 2010. Besides, city C increased enormously from 1965 to 1995 and had the highes...
  • 6band
    number of athletes in olympic
    The chart provides information about the number of men and women participating in Olympics over a 88-year period between 1924 in 2012. Another graph witnessed how many people joined in the game in the same period. Overall, it can be seen that the both charts had a noticeable increase in number of at...
  • 6band
    ground floor of a museum between 1950 and 2010
    The two maps illustrate the innovation of the. Overall, these maps indicate several visible changes. The alternations of the beach landscape in 60 years are recognizable, including the reposition of the statue, reception counter, and the removal of entrances in certain rooms. Firstly, there used t...
  • 6band
    the pie charts below show average household expenditure in Hong Kong and Britain in the year 2000.
    The pie charts depict the five different categories of household items in Hong Kong and Britain in 2000. Overall, food, other goods and services comprises half of the total household expenditure. As can be seen from the chart, in Britain spent nearly a quarter for food while 27% was recorded in Hong...
  • 6band
    The table below gives information about mobile phone owners in the UK between 2006 and 2010
    The table compares the percentages of mobile phone owners who used 7 different types of features in the UK in the years of 2006, 2008 and 2010. It is clear that the highest percentage of user used mobile phone to make calls. However, the less popular feature was video recording for the users throug...
  • 6band
    The pictures show the changes of a park from 1980 to the present day.
    The given pictures illustrate the arrangement of a park, in 1980, and also show the differences now compared to it in the past. It is noticeable that the area has undergone abundant significant changes to meet the recreational demands of the public but some of its similarities still remain. In 1980...





Get more results for topic:
  • The bar graph shows the boys and girls who particapted in different sports outside school hours in 2004