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The bar graph shows the boys and girls who particapted in different sports outside school hours in 2004

The bar graph shows the boys and girls who particapted in different sports outside school hours in 2004 9Q2Jx
The given bar graph compares the boys and girls who participated in different sports outside school hours in 2014. The data is given in percentage. Overall, it is clear that the maximum boys and girls participated in football. whereas, most girls were engaged in netball. Discerning the bar graph, in 2014, one fifth of boys preferred football. However, the participation of girls in football was the least at less than five percentage. In contrast, there Who are only 1% of difference between girls and boys who are not indulge in any kind of sports. In Swimming girls were more interested at almost 16% about the percentage of boys were less. Probing further, The girls participated in netball which was the highest participation of girls in 2014. While, a tiny fraction of boys were in indulged netball. In basketball the percentage of both work and girls were almost same as only 1% of boys were participated more as compare to girls.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph compares the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participated
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sports outside school hours in 2014. The data is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
.
Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participated
in football.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
whereas
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
were engaged
in netball. Discerning the bar graph, in 2014, one fifth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
preferred football.
However
, the participation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
in football was the least at less than five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
.
In contrast
, there Who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1% of difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
who are not
Consider using a past participle here: "indulged".
indulge
in any kind of sports. In Swimming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
were more interested at almost 16% about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
were less. Probing
further
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participated
in netball which was the highest participation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
in 2014.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, a tiny fraction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
Possible agreement error
were
in indulged netball. In basketball the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of both work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
were almost same as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participated
more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.

IELTS academic The bar graph shows the boys and girls who particapted in different sports outside school hours in 2004

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
160 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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