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The bar graph shows hours per week spent by teenagers doing certain activities

The bar graph shows hours per week spent by teenagers doing certain activities jRXjp
The above bar graph depicts the time the teenagers engage themselves in number of activities over a period of six years from 2002-2007 in Chester. It is observed that throughout the span of six years the least time is spent over bowling and most time teenagers are involved in watching television. The time teenagers spend watching television shot up significantly in all the years. The second most likeable hobby can be assumed to be watching DVDs for the year 2004 and 2005 with approximately 17 hours and 16 hours respectively but it fluctuated over years. In 2004, 2005, 2006, 12 hours were spent in disco which were comparatively more from the previous years. Teenagers engaged themselves in shopping for 15 hours which were the most for the year 2006 and 2007. The number of hours teenagers spent for completing homework dramatically reduced for the year 2007 in comparison to the preceding years. Time spent by teenagers engaged in sport went downhill for all the years with peak at 10 hours. The two activities which showed decrease in the amount of time spent towards doing homework and playing sport whereas shopping and going to pubs showed increase in the amount of time spent.
The above bar graph depicts the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
engage themselves in number of activities over a period of six years from 2002-2007 in Chester. It
is observed
that throughout the span of six years the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
over bowling and most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are involved
in watching television.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
spend watching television shot up
significantly
in all the years. The second most likeable hobby can
be assumed
to be watching DVDs for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2004 and 2005 with approximately 17
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and 16
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
respectively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it fluctuated over years.

In 2004, 2005, 2006, 12
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hours
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
in disco which were
comparatively
more from the previous years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teenagers
engaged themselves in shopping for 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
which were the most for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2006 and 2007. The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
for completing homework
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2007
in comparison
to the preceding years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
engaged in sport went downhill for all the years with peak at 10 hours.

The two activities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
decrease in the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
towards doing homework and playing sport whereas shopping and going to pubs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
increase in the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
.

IELTS academic The bar graph shows hours per week spent by teenagers doing certain activities

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
202 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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