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Accident reduction per kilometer in Bridgewater following the introduction of extra lanes on busy motorways

Accident reduction per kilometer in Bridgewater following the introduction of extra lanes on busy motorways 7a1e5
The bar chart gives information about the decrease of traffic accidents in Bridgewater due to the construction of extra lanes in the city. Overall, one can see the reduction of traffic accidents on all the motorways taken into account, M1, M2, M3, M4 and M5. The most striking improvement occurs in motorway 5, where traffic accidents drop off dramatically from just over 16 to just under 6 per kilometer. A similar improvement is seen in motorway 1, that has a decline of traffic accidents after the construction of extra lanes, from about 13 to just over 4 per kilometer. In contrast, the construction of extra lanes does not produce the desired effect in motorways 2, 3 and 4. In fact, in these roads the number of traffic incidents ONLY decreases respectively from over 16 to over 14 per kilometer in motorway 2, from 4 to 2 per kilometer in motorway 3 and from over 4 to 2 per kilometer in motorway 4.
The bar chart gives information about the decrease of
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traffic
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accidents
in Bridgewater due to the construction of extra lanes in the city.

Overall
, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the reduction of
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traffic
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accidents
on all the motorways taken into account, M1, M2, M3, M4 and M5.

The most striking improvement occurs in motorway 5, where
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traffic
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accidents
drop off
dramatically
from
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just
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over
16 to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 6 per kilometer. A similar improvement is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in motorway 1, that has a decline of
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traffic
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accidents
after the construction of extra lanes, from about 13 to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
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over
4 per kilometer.

In contrast
, the construction of extra lanes does not produce the desired effect in motorways 2, 3 and 4. In fact, in these roads the number of
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traffic
incidents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ONLY
decreases
respectively
from
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over
16 to
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over
14 per kilometer in motorway 2, from 4 to 2 per kilometer in motorway 3 and from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
4 to 2 per kilometer in motorway 4.

IELTS academic Accident reduction per kilometer in Bridgewater following the introduction of extra lanes on busy motorways

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
162 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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