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The bar graph illustrates the proportions of males and females who did a daily physical activity based on age factor in Australia in the year 2010.

The bar graph illustrates the proportions of males and females who did a daily physical activity based on age factor in Australia in the year 2010. Mqo0p
The bar graph illustrates the proportions of males and females who did a daily physical activity based on age factor in Australia in the year 2010. Overall, it can be seen that the percentage of the female group with 45 to 54 years of age involved in physical activity every day were highest and the male group with 35-44 years were the lowest. Coming to females, the 45-54-year-old were approximately 53 percent active followed by 55 to 64 and 35 to 44 adults with 53 and 525 percentages approximately. The old age women of more than 65 years were least active each day stood at about 47 percent. In the Male group, the younger men with 15-24 age accounted for 52. 8 which is highest among other male groups. The second most active were 65 and above group in men nearly 47. The men and women participated almost the same in the older group whereas there was a noticeable difference in the age group of 35-44 years which are about 53 and 40 percentages for men and women respectively.
The bar graph illustrates the proportions of
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males
and females who did a daily physical activity based on
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age
factor in Australia in the
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year
2010.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the percentage of the female
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group
with 45 to 54 years of
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age
involved in physical activity every day were highest and the male
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group
with 35-44 years were the lowest.

Coming to females, the 45-54-year-
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old
were approximately 53 percent active followed by 55 to 64 and 35 to 44 adults with 53 and 525 percentages approximately.

The
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old
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age
women of more than 65 years were least active each day stood at about 47 percent.

In the Male
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group
, the younger
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men
with 15-24
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age
accounted for 52. 8 which is highest among other male
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groups
. The second most active were 65 and above
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group
in
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men
nearly
47. The
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men
and women participated almost the same in the older
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group
whereas there was a noticeable difference in the
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 35-44 years which are about 53 and 40 percentages for
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men
and women
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The bar graph illustrates the proportions of males and females who did a daily physical activity based on age factor in Australia in the year 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
179 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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