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doing exercise in Australia in 2010

doing exercise in Australia in 2010 1k1Jq
Given is a bar graph providing us with information regarding a gender-based comparison of the routine physical activity percentages in Australia in 2010. Overall, it is starkly apparent that, with the exception of the 15-24 age group, women spend more time on taking exercises than men. When scrutinizing more rigorously, it could be inferred that 52. 8% of males with 15 t0 24 years old doing frequent exercise, while this amount for the same-aged females is about 5% less. In the next age group (25-34), approximately half of the women do physical activity in contrast to 42. 2% of men. The proportion of frequent exercise in 35 to 44 women is 12% above the men and makes a stark difference between these two sexes. Turning to middle-aged and elder groups, only 43. 1% of males doing routine physical activity which is exactly 10% under the level of women in the same age group. It is calculated that more than half of the ladies in the 55 to 64 period doing workouts, whereas this rate for the gentlemen is around 45. 1 percent. Elders which age 65 and over, in both sexes, doing exercises somewhere at the vicinity of 47% in Australia.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
is a bar graph providing us with information regarding a gender-based comparison of the routine physical activity percentages in Australia in 2010.
Overall
, it is
starkly
apparent that,
Consider using "except" or "except for"
with the exception of
the 15-24
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
spend more time on taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. When scrutinizing more
rigorously
, it could
be inferred
that 52. 8% of males with 15 t0 24 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
frequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, while this amount for the same-aged females is about 5% less. In the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
(25-34), approximately half of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
do physical activity
in contrast
to 42. 2% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. The proportion of frequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in 35 to 44
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is 12% above the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a stark difference between these two sexes. Turning to middle-aged and elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
43. 1% of males
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
routine physical activity which is exactly 10% under the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
. It
is calculated
that more than half of the ladies in the 55 to 64 period
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
workouts, whereas this rate for the gentlemen is around 45. 1 percent. Elders which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
65 and over, in both sexes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
somewhere at the vicinity of 47% in Australia.
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IELTS academic doing exercise in Australia in 2010

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
201 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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