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The graph below illustrates the proportion of two separated genders having problem with obesity in Australia over a 30-year period between 1980 and 2010.

The graph below illustrates the proportion of two separated genders having problem with obesity in Australia over a 30-year period between 1980 and 2010. 5BA0p
The graph below illustrates the proportion of two separated genders having problems with obesity in Australia over a 30-year period between 1980 and 2010. Overall, it is evident that the proportion of males and females overweighting in Australia changed significantly during the period of 30 years. Precisely, the figure for overweighting males outnumbered the percentage of females during the period shown. Looking at the graph in more detail, in 1980, the proportion of overweighting males accounted for 40%, approximately 10% higher than women suffering from obesity. The period from 1980 to 1990 witnessed a significant increase in the proportion of both males and females having problem with overweight, reaching just below 50% and 45%, respectively. Regarding the remaining years, the percentage of overweighting males had risen since 1990 before reaching a peak of 65% in 2000, but then slightly declined to 60% at the last year of the period. Similarly, the figure for females suffering from obesity in Australia saw a marginal growth during a decade between 1990 and 2000, standing at just above a haft in 2000. After that, this figure remained approximately the same during the next decade.
The graph below illustrates the
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proportion
of two separated genders having problems with obesity in Australia over a
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30-year
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period
between 1980 and 2010.

Overall
, it is evident that the
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proportion
of
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males
and
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females
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overweighting
in Australia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
significantly
during the
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period
of 30 years.
Precisely
, the figure for
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overweighting
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males
outnumbered the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
during the
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period
shown.

Looking at the graph in more detail, in 1980, the
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proportion
of
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overweighting
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males
accounted for 40%, approximately 10% higher than women suffering from obesity. The
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period
from 1980 to 1990 witnessed a significant increase in the
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proportion
of both
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males
and
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females
having problem with overweight, reaching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 50% and 45%,
respectively
.

Regarding the remaining years, the percentage of
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighting
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males
had risen since 1990
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before
reaching a peak of 65% in 2000,
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but
then
slightly
declined to 60% at the last
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year
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
.
Similarly
, the figure for
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females
suffering from obesity in Australia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a marginal growth during a decade between 1990 and 2000, standing at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above a haft in 2000. After that, this figure remained approximately the same during the
next
decade.
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IELTS academic The graph below illustrates the proportion of two separated genders having problem with obesity in Australia over a 30-year period between 1980 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
190 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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